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East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
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1 April 1977
Will hitchhike to D.C.
Lee 0. resigns to head t-shirt co.
It was announced today that
Lee Old Jenkins, chancellor of
East Carolina University has
resigned, effective immediately,
in order to take over the manage-
ment and oontrol of a faltering
T-shirt company.
The Washington D.C. firm
known as "The D.C.T. Shirt
Company is presently i wned by
Furd MacDougal, who says he
looks forward to meeting Jenkins.
"This guy has got to be a
mirage said MacDougal.
"I mean this place has been
harder to move than a broken
Arthur Godfrey album. We figure
last year our net profit paid for
half the postage MacDougal-
added.
MacDougal related that
Jenkins' receipt fa the company
had ! en sent to him via a hitch
hiker on I-95.
Jenkins would admit only to
"getting a hellacious deal" for
the oompany.
In answer to why he quit the
top post of a mediocre southern
university, the former chancellor
became animated.
He flailed his arms and
pranced across the room in a
combination Joe Cocker Mick
Jagger imitation as he responded.
It's my lifestyle, man. I'm
shakin' out the lint
According to Jenkins, the
project "is a creative outlet. It's
an artlike my building. Have
you seen my art building? It's
really nicekinda' pointy in some
places but they did it like that on
purpose
Jenkins said he hoped to
revolutionize the T-shirt in-
dustry with fresh thinking and
good looks.
"We're gonna' have a Dolly
Parton shirt with the chest in
relief! You know, little chesties
built right in! All in good taste of
course
To say that Jenkins seems
optimistic would be an under-
statement.
This is a sure thing he
said. "I'm so excited my palms
are sweating
The former ECU cheerleader
felt the change of jobs could be
just the boost his political career
needs.
"Lester Maddox sold axe
handles, I sell T-shirts. Times are
changing you know
Jenkins noted several sim-
ilarities between the career and
life of Lester Maddox and his own
meteoric rise to fame.
"Even our initials are the
same, exoept fa the M he said.
"I'm proud of that too. As far as
I'm oonoerned, Lester Maddox is
a credit to his race
The up and ooming T-shirt
king said that the idea fa his new
enterprise had been in the back of
his mind fa a loig time befae he
fully developed it.
"One night Joe Balder and I
were riding around listening to
the police moiita in thisold army
surplus half track he's got. I
grabbed a cigarette from a pack
on the seat and lit up. He must
have sat on it, 'cause it was really
bent up.
Anyhow, since it was the last
one in the pack we shared it. By
the time that thing was gone
must have been a Lucky Strike
cause there was no filter and it
was sat of harshI knew what I
had to do. I called my wife from
Jerry's Sweet Shop that same
night
ECU changes
mascot
(See story, p. 12)
Police report
Eleven ooeds were raped last
night on campus between 8:30
and 10:45 while campus police
ignaed their aies ot distress.
All on-duty campus cops were
busy at various other scenes on
campus.
Sx campus oops looked on as
ten tow trucks towed away White
dam, aie of the high-rise dams
at the south end of campus.
"White dam was taking up
space that could be used fa
parking said aie unidentified
cop.
When asked why he and other
cops ignaed the screams of the
girls being raped, he replied,
"We have a job to do, and all of
us can't be at one place at one
time
This repater pointed out that
there were six cops at the site of
White dam being towed away.
Why couldn't four of the oops
have aided the ooeds and tried to
catch the rapists?
"Weil, we were all so full
from eating doughnuts and drink-
(See RAPES, p. 5)
Jenkins evidently had some
other marketable ideas, but the
details remain a mystery.
"I've talked to some people
from Ronco and K-Tel. That's all
I'm gonna' say he said.
When asked if he would still
keep residence in Nath Carolina,
Jenkins said that he was "moving
out fa good. I'm gettin' rid of
everything but my Farah Faw-
cett poster. (5 L�� 0LD p 5j
EVEN AN SGA prez needs a best friend.
Campus police kill one,
wreck cars in 1st derby
Tires screeched, lights flash-
ed, and metal aunched as the
First Annual Campus Police Car
Demolition Derby got underway
last Thursday at the State High-
way Department's junked car lot.
ECU Security Officer Joe
Mauler called the event a "total-
�i suocess.
Acoading to Mauler, twelve
competitas entered the event.
"These guys are the tops in
ruining campus property, so we of
the department felt that they
were the most qualified to enter.
Mauler said that a couple of
the officers suffered mina in-
juries.
"There were a few broken
extremities and one guy was
killed, but he was a by-stander.
"You should've seen what the
THE FIRST ANNUAL police demolition derby was quite
auhHIT!
cars looked like when they ga
through with them Mauler said
grinning.
He said that even though ECU
will have to purchase twelve new
cars, costing approximately
$60,000, he strll enjoyed it.
"This is just what we (the
campus police) have needed fa a
loig time.
"These boys put in much time
writing parking tickets around
campus, and they need a way to
vent their frustrations, Mauler
added.
Up to this point, the polioe
have been venting their frustra-
tions by running into trees and
students, aocading to Mauler.
"We've run into several pro-
blems with the boys lately. A few
of them have started putting
markson their cars fa every time
that they have an accident, two
marks fa inanimate objects like
telephone poles and buildings
and five marks fa people and
animals
Aocading to Mauler, he has
great hopes fa the future of the
Demolition Derby.
"Thiscould really grow into a
big event fa the entire city.Next
year we hope to sell tickets and
have the competition in the
chancel la's frait yard.
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Page 2
BUGLEHEAO
1 April 1977
What to say GDIs
A new course is being offered
through the Division of Continu-
ing Education, "What to Say
When You Can't Say Anything
Nice The course will oount as a
Humanities and Fine Arts credit
and will be taught by David
Bosnick.
Mouth
Lecturing at Mendenhall April
7 at 7:30 is the "Mouth of the
South Robert Swaim will
lecture on how to obtain your own
overpass.
Derby
The Annual Campus Police
Car Demolition Derby will be held
at the State Highway Depart-
ment's junked car lot. Joe
"Crash" Mauler will be there
defending his title.
Sacrifice
The ECU Coven will hold its
annual sacrifice at the next full
moon in Brewster B-107. Come on
out fa some blood, gore, and
blasphemy from the underworld.
Don't be a oonformist. Ex-
press your individuality - rush
Gamma Delta lota, the frat for
radical independents. The
initiation fee of $5,000 includes
pin, jersey with letters and
a lifetime pass to Happy Hour.
Seeds
Help out the heads of Beta Phi
Alpha post bonds for their
housemother. Get your car wash-
ed and those incriminating seeds
vacuumed out at their car wash
this Sat. from 10 p.m. to 4 p.m.
at University Gulf.
Closet gays
The monthly meeting of Cam-
pus Closet Queens and Kings will
meet in the broom closet of the
second floor of the Drama Bldg
April 3 at 8:30 p.m.
Lost ruler
Stop Everything! J. Sharp
Williams has lost his ruler.
Anyone finding it please bring it
by FOUNTAINHEAD office so
we can get back to work.
Plumbers
ECU publications will be
replaced next fall term by the
rubber stamp division of the
Student Government Association.
The Communications Board is
presently screening for the editor
in patsy for the only publication
and will accept applicants only
from the Sigma Nurd fraternity.
Apply now for the editorship. It
will be almost like working with
Richard Nixon.
Senile duo
The Business Department is
presently looking for students to
fill the classes now vacant in the
senile accounting section. Drs.
Blotter and Dctor have moment-
arily refused to admit students
because they appear to be
rational, thinking individuals. If
you have any intentions of
replacing senility with rationality,
please oome by the accounting
department and vote no for the
senile duo.
Buc
Remember that if you want a
yearbook next fall - it is too damn
late to order one! If you have any
questions call us at 757-6501.
SandM
A course in "How To Work
With Black Leather and Chains"
will discuss problems in design-
ing and sewing clothes for the S
and M inclined. Information
available from the Division of
Continuing Education.
Beach baby
In an effort to prolong the
feeling of Spring Break, the Films
Committee will show a "Beach
Movie Festival" complete with
Frankie Avalon - Annette
Funioello movies at the Student
Theatre April 9, 7-12 p.m.
Cough deposit
In order to keep Health fees
from rising, the Infirmary is
requiring a $1 deposit on Robi-
tussin oough syrup bottles. Ef-
fective immediately.
Arthropods
Anyone found stepping, fum-
ic ing, or in any other way
destroying ECU s mascot will be
denied any penicillin shots at the
Infirmary.
Paper thieves
The ECU chapter of the
Society for Collegiate Paper
Thieves will hold a special
seminar in the Aycock Dorm third
floor restroom. The seminar will
enoompass paper thievery at its
best and how to avoid the campus
polioe in the process. Leading the
seminar will be Patrick Patrick
and fellow Kappa Alpo fraternity
members.
Old salts
The ECU Political Science
Department will hold a quasi
important spring meeting on the
proper salty food to eat while
consuming a tossed salad. Fea-
tured speaker will be Dr. Melba
Toast Sodium and her assistant
graduate assistant Harrison G.
Grubbs.
SGG
The Earl of Doorslam will
meet individually with the Society
of Gallant Gossips (SGG) this
Wednesday morning in hopes to
curb slipping relationships be-
tween the two. The Earl has
recently been perturbed by the
boisterous actions of the SGG
hopes to curtail their vocal
strength.

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1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 3
Greenville to restore original city
The Greenville City Council
Thursday decided unanimously to
return the city back to its natural
condition and launched an ex-
tensive three-year restoration
project to accomplish this feat.
Aocording to Mayor Percy
Cob, Greenville must "stand
unique in the state of North
Carolina. All other cities are
progressing. Greenville will stand
out among the rest by regress-
ing
Therefore, City Planner John
Schoffer will begin work on the
project within 60 days, Cob said.
The first phase of the project
will be to plow up the landscaped
'Towne Common" and build
several delapidated shacks along
the river bank.
"Greenville began in slums,
and that's the way history dict-
ates we keep it Cob said.
The next phases include tear-
ing up the Evans St. Mall and
remodeling the fronts of the mall
stores.
Three thousand termites are
being imported from Beaufort,
N.C. to aid in the restoration of
the store buildings.
The old North Carolina Na-
tional Bank(NCNB) that was just
recently destroyed, will, be re-
built at the five-points inter-
section downtown equipped with
such historic memoirs as faulty
elevators, crumbling plaster and
broken windows.
Cars stuck
in mud lots �
near dorms
Due to the fact that students
can no longer park in the
Mendenhall Student Center park-
ing lot between the hours of 1
a.m. and 8 a.m 450 cars, parked
in the dirt parking lots near the
high-rise dams and behind the
student center and library, are
stuck in foot-deep mud due to a
Greenville rain which fell yester-
day.
The signs posted at Menden-
hall, which state that only univer-
sity-registered vehicles are allow-
ed to park there anytime except
between 1 a.m. amd 8 a.m have
recently begun to be enforced.
Joe Balder, Campus Chief of
Security, received many anony-
mous phone calls, most of them
threatening, because he had
refused to allow students to park
in the Mendenhall Student Center
parking lot during that time.
Balder said that the Menden-
hall parking lot is fa students
who need to park their cars there
fa shat lengths of time; not fa
days.
When asked why the parking
lots were nrt paved, which would
have prevented the cars from
being anchaed in the groping
mud, Balder replied that his face
had not written enough tickets in
ader to pay fa the cost of
paving.
Balder promised, however,
that he would see to it that mae
tickets are written and mae cars
are towed in ader to collect the
money needed fa paving
"We are trying to re-capture
the spirit of the aiginal city
Cob said.
City planner Schoffer pro-
posed adding still another
"point" to the five-points inter-
section "so that our city resi-
dents, can once again, witness
the excitement of the old chaos of
the city streets mae fully.
Council applauded Schoffer's
proposal, adding that the street
lights should be removed to
further enhance the pre-progres-
sjve mood.
A few downtown merchants
were present at the Council
meeting and offered to help the
project in any way they could.
Tom Haines owner of the
Attic, volunteered to return his
establishment to its aiginal Fifth
St. site and use the froit entrance
again as he used to.
"I'll bring the inside walls in a
bit so that the East Carolina
students can reminisce about the
lack of breathing space and
dancing area we used to have
he said.
Firechief Jack R. Sun was
pleased with Haines' ideas, not-
ing that his firemen have missed
the thrill of wondering when the
Attic" would catch on fire a
when the floa would fall in from
too many people dancing at onoe.
Maya Cob has also asked
East Carolina University to do its
part fa the project.
Accading to ECU Chancella
Lee Old Jenkins, the university
will tear down the modern
high-rise damitaies near the
downtown area and erect mae
scenic dams in their places, such
as Gotten and Jarvis Halls.
"Animal Kingdom" pet shop
is also doing its part by impating
1700 rats to be distributed among
the future dams.
"With the help of our citizens
and the brilliant minds of our city
wakers, we should have our fair
city back to its histaic natural
condition in no time Cob said.
"And the Greenville residents
can, once again, be proud of their
hometown
The entire project should cost
approximately $5.00 if everyone
involved uses the appropriate
construction materials required
fa such an histaic restaatiai,
accading to Cob.
SUCH NOSTALGIC SCENES as this will soon
cover our fair city, thanks to the new restoration
proect.
What has 2 Legs, mumbles incoherently,
and Acts Uncoordinated?
Find out when you visit tho all now Carolina Zoological Park. Pictured above is
our newest zoo member. Xenta, as we call it, fits the above characteristics
perfectly. This species is almost extinct (thank god) and was found stumbling
aimlessly through Costa Rica.
Visit The Zoo Today!
Carolina Zoological Park
Dasheboro,N.C.

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Page 4
BUGLEHEAD
1 April 1977
Itchin' for glory
How delightful! The good oT alma mater will be
joined by a brand new mascot for all the boys and
girls to be so proud of. And he's such a cute little
devil too.
Just think, with this new symbol of our really
together school we'll be able to carry our darling little
mascot with us wherever we go, instead of just being
able to look at a crummy old picture like we had with
the other one. Our new mascot is lots better than the
live mascots that some schools have. Our precious
pet not only feeds and cleans himself and finds his
own little home, he is also always busy making sure
that there are plenty more just like him to spread
around to all our friends in the dorms and to give to
those fresh marines with only one crewcut who come
downtown.
Promises promises
A new day has dawned. Student government has
figured out a way that the campus publications can
make up for all the past scandals they've reported
and in so doing, insure that our next payroll will
come through unscathed. It's very simply:
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA.
We promise
SGA. ?-
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say antyhing bad about our
never to say anything
never to say anything
bad about our
bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
never to say anything bad about our
93uglef)ectb
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Searching for the truth for over 51 years. Where is it?
Senior EditorIddiott
Production ManagerSharp
Advertising ManagerStretch
News EditorsSlim 'n' da Bra j
Trends EditorPot (Spoleto) Coil j
Sports EditorHeliumhead j
BUGLEHEAD, tor and by the student government
association, saturates EZU with propaganda too
often during the school year.
Mailing address: Dorothea Dix Funny Farm
Editorial offices: 757-bull, 757-crap, 757-shis
Subscriptions: Free to anyone silly enough to
believe this trash, unavailable to all others.
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We don't need commie organizers
Dear FLUGLEHORN:
I think that students should
not be unionized. Why do we
have to form a Student Union to
get things done? Surely the
university administration and the
SGA can take care of our every
need without all this communist
activity on campus.
Asa matter of fact, I think the
SGA is better than the Student
Union when it oomes to giving us
entertainment, especially
comedy. And for drama, you can't
beat reading the school news-
paper, waiting fa ECU'S first
political assassination to occur.
No, we don't need a union.
This campus is big enough to take
care of itself without all those
yankee rabble rousers coming
down here and telling us how to
nave a good time. It's time we
stood up for our own quality
tastes. For fun this Thursday
night, let sail get funky and give
tnose creepy carpetbaggers
10,000 bao-breath rebel yells!
Emily Coed
Give freshmen equal rights as people
Dear BUGLE:
I am sick and tired of the way
the student newspaper neglects
freshmen. Why, even on your
own staff you make freshmen
write letters to the SENIOR editor
instead of giving him space to
write his own full-fledged editor-
ial.
You upperclassmen who call
yourselves objective journalists
have come to monopolize the
student newspaper and are pre-
venting any new and fresh ideas
to be promulgated in a credible
fashion. You bigwigs are always
writing libelous editorials and
putting your foots into your
mouth, why not give us freshman
a change?
President
Anti-Beenie Society
Give me what I want and deserve
ToB-Head:
I want to complain how this
newspaper will not print my
articles. I charge mismanagement
of news and everthing else.
I am a world traveler I have
been to Tijuana and Cmcinatti
and know how to write good. But
every time I bring a article to that
mismanage newspaper office they
tell me to no good. I say they no
good.
I am a student not a greasy
South American like my ennemies
think. My articles are about
important stuff like how many
piranna it takes to chew up King
Kong and How to Escape from a
Mexican Brothel. But all I get
from those elititists at that rag is
scorn. I even offered to take a
bath before coming to the staff
meetings but they still cussed me
out. I am,
Kenta Hemingway

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ECU professor discovers
1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 5
��
musical computer &
ECU professor Roberta Aziz
Muscatell, while working under
a 1970 grant from the Nixxon
Administration, has recently pro-
voked a "computer-type" ma-
chine to sing.
This is probably the greatest
point in my career said the
jubilant Muscatell. "I guess my
first lay was better, but that was
so long ago
Muscatell has worked almost
constantly on the finding of a
computer with the ability to sing
or even "hum-a-tune
"In early 71 I had thought I
had found my baby explained
Muscatell. "But it seems that Mr.
Nixxon had already heard the
Zenith Allegro
After following up many un-
successful leads the professor
finally came across what he
thought was a suitable machine.
"What I had found was a
computer-type machine that
couldn't actually sing but could
hum like a Rollie Finger's knuckle
ball.
"The only trouble was that the
Vacu-Jac company refused to give
Mr. Nixxon a demonstration
Muscatell added.
Muscatell said it was hard
work and a lot of free meals that
finally put him on the right track.
Actually the one million
dollar grant was quickly running
out. Did you know that in all of
Europe and Asia there was not
one single machine that could
hold a candle to Vacu-Jac?
But I knew that I had to oome
up with something that oould
carry a realistic tune by the end of
Mr. Phord's term in office
Muscatell sighed.
It was a fateful day in late
November, 1976 that Muscatell
found a machine that-would
RAPES
Continued from p. 1
�
mg coffee that we figured the
girls could probably fight off the
rapists better than we could
Besides, we can't run very
fast after drinking so much
coffee, and we figured we
wouldn t catch them (rapists)
anyway
At another scene, two cops
looked on as tow trucks towed
away cars which were parked in
backwards.
This reporter asked why the
cops seemed to think that towing
cars and White dorm were more
important than rescuing girls who
were being raped.
A oop who wished to remain
anonymous said, "First things
come first. Cars aren't supposed
to be parked in backwards. When
we drive around checking dorm
decals, it's too much trouble to
get out of the car and walk up to
check the rear window of the
vehicle.
We didn't check on the girls
because we finally figured other
cops would
Parents of all the rape victims
have filed charges against the
campus police force fa incom-
petence and neglect.
A hearing will be set for a date
to be announced later.
LEE OLD
Continued from p. 7


0
Lee Old will run ahead of the
cars and the object of the game
will be to see who can come the
closest to him without running
over him.
It ought to be loads of fun
When questioned as to what
he believed tax payers thought of
spending their money on cars that
had a life expectancy of about two
days, he said, "Well shoot, they
can t expect the world, can
they?
Mauler said that even though
the driving ability of the campus
police was not too good percent-
age wise, they sure are good at
busting students.
Besides it's so much fun
being a cop.
EAT AT THE
RUN DOWN INNE
POPULAR PRICES�l-
(WE LIKE'EM)
WEEKLY SPECIALS
OURGUARANTEE
IF YOU ARE IN
ANYWAY
DISSATISFIED
WITH OUR FOOD,
WE'LL THROW YOU OUT!
THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL!
T-BONE1.00
with meat-4.00
satisfy his expense account as
well as Mr. Phord's intelligence.
"I was crashing a Frat rush
when, in a drunken stupor, I
watched a young man make a
strange form of signal over a
large oomputer-type machine and
make music
"What I heard was the sound
of another cash stipend. No,
really I heard Play That Gunky
Music, White Boy' in stereo
"It was then that I had oome
to the conclusion that all along I
had been listening with a third
ear and that to make the most of
what was left of my expense
account I was going to have to
bring Mr. Phord some results
Muscatell beamed.
The rest is history, Muscatell
brought the music box which he
paid somewhere in the neighbor-
hood of $75 thousand for, to Suzi
Phord's prom $l
Infirmary report s
Three students who became
seriously ill last night due to
various reasons received in-
competent treatment at the ECU
infirmary.
One student was seriously ill
with food poisoning from eating
at Jones Cafeteria. When he
became violently ill, two of his
friends took him to the infirmary
for medical aid.
After being violently sick in
the infirmary restroom, passing
out at the desk, and going into
shock, the infirmary nurse on
duty gave him two pecks of
Cepaool and a pack of Tylenol.
She advised his friends to put
him in bed as soon as possible.
Another student, who caught
the flu sometime during the
week, was also helped at the
infirmary by some friends.
Shaking with chills and hot
with fever, his temperature and
blood pressure were taken. The
nurse gave him four packs of
Cepaool and one pack of Tylenol,
and told him to drink plenty of
fluids, and remain in bed for
three days.
An asthmatic student, having
had asthma since childhood,
underwent a severe attack and
was barely able to breathe.
She went to the infirmary for
help. Although barely able to
speak, the attending nurse re-
oognized her problem.
She told her to take several
deep breaths, then gave her one
pack of Cepaool and one pack of
Tylenol.
The infirmary has been
charged by the parents of the
three students with incompetent
treatment.
Maybe we'll cure the
SGA budget
without your help,
but don't bet your life on it.
The way it stands today, one student out of four will be affected by the SGA. That means it will strike
some member in two out of three ECU dorms. To change those statistics we have to bring the promise
of early pditica. truth to everyday reality. And to expand our detection program and techniques. And
that takes money. Lot of money. Money we don't have, especially this year. The American SGA
Society will never give up the fight. Maybe we'll find the answers even without your help. But don't
bet your life on it.
We want to cure SGA money problems in your lifetime.
American SGA Society

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Page 6 BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977

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HORN PLAYERS
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limitations, your obedience must not
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cause of healing for every sick one,
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1 April 1977 BUGLLHEAD Page 7
ElMMENT ASSOCIATION
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1 e � y meetings of others; pray for
gh kmdrn yxrect tnejr fautts Look aways
a r has ten good qualities and one
.And if an SGA member has ten
one and forget the ten Never
the press, even though others be
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f the students, and know that we
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Page 8
BUGLEHEAD
1 April 1977
Acting at its finest
&
ABC scores with "Harley's Angels" show
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So much of the programming
on modern American television is
worthless, boring; an utter waste
of time. Night after night we are
forced to watch such trash as
National Geographic specials,
news shows, medical docu-
mentaries.
ABC (Always Broadcasting
Cuties) has finally gotten its act
together, bringing us the most
fabulous show in history,
"Harley's Angels
'Harley's Angels" is the
story of three girls who are
private detectives for a major
motorcycle company. The
angels spend their time in-
vestigating embezzlement,
sabotage, and coffee break hanky
panky at the oompany.
One of the series' finest
episodes involved a burglary ring
who were stealing lug nuts from
the assembly line. Cleverly en-
titled "The Lug Nut Caper this
show showed the angels at their
best. It was exciting throughout,
leading to the climactic point
where one of the angels confront-
ed the thieves, saying "Okay you
thugs, show me those nuts
What drama!
The angels themselves are
incredibly talented actresses,
with incomparable creative ex-
perience.
Jackie Lynn Withit started in
the business as Miss Bouncy
Buns" of 1974 for the Idaho
Bakers Association. From there
she went to Minneapolis where
she moonlighted as a cocktail
waitress while attending cos-
metologists' school. She was
discovered by the producers of
"Harley's Angels" at an all-night
car wash in Encino.
Success fa Kay Lacksome
came much easier. Her first
starring role came in 1957, when
she played a pumpkin in the
Thanksgiving pageant at Para-
mus (N.J.) Elementary School
(many critics consider this her
finest performance to date). She
went to Hollywood in 1970 and
was soon starnna in anothpr ARr.
series in which
understanding.
she played an
but sexually
frustrated wife of a young police-
man.
The third angel, and the true
star of the show is the luscious
Sarah Spigot-Majors. Stardom is
a low-slung sports car in a James
Bond film. Her ability as an
actress truly came out in the early
'70s, when s. 'ecame the Wei la
Balsam shampoo girl. (Her hair
was nominated for best special
effects in a shampoo commercial
in 1975.)
The final character in
"Harley's Angels" has never
been seen on camera, and is one
of the great mysteries of the
season. At cocktail parties every-
where, people ask "Who is the
voice of Harley?" Well we've
discovered it's none other than
Fred, a Suzuki who found jme
and fortune as the bike which da
Fonzsitson when he "sitson it
All told. Harley's Angels" is
a fine show, with great dialogue
and even better social meanings.
But the true prize-winning person
behind "Harley's Angels" is the
person who designs the jeans that
cover Jackie Lynn Withit's
bouncy buns
entertainment.
Now THAT'S
A hUMt altei a jjy s snooting, bar ah Spigot-Maors gets laid bach
with net guild'
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Falexander announces
Student Union's closing
Playwright's Corner

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Here Comes the Sun
During a press conference
that sent shock waves at least 15
inches. Dean Rude Falexander
announced Thursday that the
ECU Student Union will be
defunct as of the end of Spring
Quarter. 1977.
Aocording to Falexander. the
decision came as the result of
growing student apathy concern-
ing Union programming.
"We bring in top-flight enter-
tainment fa the jerks, enter-
tainment such as the Pedro
Sanchez Mariachi and Marimba
Band, and they don't even have
the decency to pay nine bucks fa
a lousy ticket said Falexander.
The failure of the Sanchez
Band, which was the featured
attraction of Homecoming, is only
one of a string of ooncert failures.
The Union Committees brought
such sureshot perfamers as Kate
Smith, Lawrence Welk, and the
second year recital class from
Miss Maple's School of Ballet.
Falkland. N.C all of them
flopping.
Lectures were also an overall
flop this year, with students
showing no interest in the
speeches of Thomas Eaglet on,
Brenda Larue (who once served a
Big Mac to Charles Manson), and
Emmanuel Potty, the inventa of
the toilet seat.
Oddly enough, the only area
that did well was the Travel-
Adventure Film Series. They
packed the houses for four
consecutive evenings with their
"Armchair Tour of Farrah Faw-
cett's Navel" film.
HERE COMES THE SUN: Monarch Blues
A shat but very symbolic play by i.m. cumming
ACT I, ONLY I
(The scene takes place in a nasty room of an
apartment, presumably a less expensive apartment
complex. Hustler and Club magazines are thrown
about the room, with a few showing revealing bodies
- not beautiful bodies, but bodies. Dust balls are
rolling on the floa like tumbleweeds. The fan is
obviously turned on and the floa has obviously not
been swept. Two young men are positioned on a sofa
(to be interpreted as the directa sees fit). One of the
men is picking his nose. There are no kleenexes in
the apartment. A large spotlight beams into the red
eyes of the larger character he speaks as he picks.)
Raymond: Hey man. Let's smoke some mean reefer,
man.
Jimmy: I didn t know reefer is mean, Ray.
Raymond: I didn t mean that. Come onbe cool!
Timmy.Nah man. I've got a big exam this afternoon
at 2 XX). The only thing I need to smoke is this book
and my notes. I've ga eight mae chapters to read!
(A marijuana cigarette has been rolled and
Raymond, the sinner that he is, is puffing the
joint' .)
Raymond Come on MAN! Don't be a sissytake a
hit.
Timmy: Screw you, buddy. I wish I was drawing
unemployment and oould watch T.V. all day. A
student is full time. You ain't even part timeyou
ain't shit!
Raymond: Hey, come on brotherbe cooldon't
get upset. Here take a hit.
Timmy: I guess it would calm me down. ' Preciate it
man.
Raymond: Sure. What's a brother fa? There's a
party kickin' up next doa. Plenty of suds, dope and
women. By the way, have you met Betsy? She'll be
over there.
Timmy: Nah man. Nice lookin'?
Raymond: You betwith plenty to boot.
Timmy: Let's go. What the hell are we waiting fa:
Roll another fa the road.
Raymond: All right. COOL BROBy the way I'm
about out of pot. Can I have one of your brews?
Timmy: Sure manlet's boogie.
Raymond: Right on
(Curtain fallsSo does Timmy later on.)
W
Campus events y
What to
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NA
vtL IILM was one ot the Unions only successes in 1976-77.
8.00a.m. - Annual breakfast ban-
quet for the Alpha Krappa
Epsomsalts honaary bricklaying
fraternity.
11.00 � Members of the ECU
Pirates football team will meet lo
practice at lajking vicious.
1:00 Red Light Women of
America will hold then annual
convention at the Besl aiue
Motel
J.O0 - I he Beatles reunite at
acoustically perfect Wght
Auditaium fa a charity concur t
suppating trie American Wan
Association
4:(ju - ric entire campus win
participate in an afternoon nap.
Ine tUJ Drama Uepari
mem win present Vanilla
Gorilla an aiginai rock opera
aoout the illustrious David H.
dosmcK. Humor has it tiidi
bosnicK win appear at inter -
mission ana msuit trie audience
11 .uu - Chanoelia Leo Jenkins
wni nave a Big Ma AitacK wi
carrying .i loot ban. a ' j1 2fJi iai i i
,i u William i r i.i 1Mb iui ,
ui tin luotuaii in u

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PuntaPinto's story told j�y, ?
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1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 9
'Routes'follows progress of trucking family
MGM (More Gross Movies,
Inc.) announced yesterday that it
will scon start production on a
72-part dramatic series, to be run
on 72 consecutive evenings next
Fall. The mini-series called
ROUTES will trace the history of
three generations of American
truck drivers.
The extravaganza starts in the
early part of the century when
Punta Pinto climbs into the
driver's seat of one of the first
Ford trucks. Punta Pinto, played
by George C. Scott, is truly one of
Americas great heroes. He is
given credit with providing an
essential need to the produce
growers of Southern California;
he smuggled illegal Mexican
immigrants across the border.
As the program starts, Punta
Pinto is a teenager, industrious
and eager to prove to the world
that he can follow in his an-
cestor's footsteps (the Pinto
family had always been promi-
nent horse thieves).
His whole life changes when
he meets Maybe Sanchez, (played
by Linda Ronstadt), a beautiful
Chicano he transports across the
border. Punta soon realizes he
wants to spend the rest of his life
with the gorgeous Maybe, so he
marries her and allows her to help
juNu btAN HiNIu stands proudly by his latest haul, in mat
gidssoots epic, ROUTES.
with the business.
Life is good for the Pintos.
Their business thrives. They even
end up buying another truck. To
make their happiness complete,
they discover that they will soon
have a child.
The child is born, and they
name him Penworthy, Pen for
short. Time passes quickly (as it
sometimes does on prime-time
soap operas) and soon it is the
Depression. Business plummets
when the Mexicans decide they
are really better off South of the
Border. Punta worries incessantly
about the plight of his little family
(not to mention about the midriff
bulge that plagues Maybe). He
takes to drinking, ibandons the
family, and Pen, (played by
Dustin Hoffman), a very short
16-year old lad, is left with one
broken truck, a bulgy mother, and
the responsibility of onoe again
bringing glory to the family
name.
One night as he stands on a
street oorner in Encino, a black
car pulls up, and an obviously
devious figure in a pinstripe suit
beckons him to get in. Out of
curiosity, Pen climbs in. The
shady character offers him the
opportunity to make a little
money hauling oontraband pigs
from San Jose to Fresno.
Pen hestitates at first, think-
ing that it is a dishonest, and
wast yet smelly deal, but family
honor oomes first, so he agrees.
His pig-handling ability is so
great that he soon becomes a
powerful figure in the Sausagio
family of gangsters. People fear
and respect him. The whole San
ECU will close in the Fall
East Carolina University
(ECU) may have to close down for
Fall semester, 1977, due to poor
programming by Major Attract-
ions Committee of the Student
Union.
Major Attractions is responsi-
ble for presenting concerts on a
major scale to the student body.
I personally see no possible
way that ECU can open and
continue to operate next fall
said Ken Handsome, ECU Stud-
ent Union program director.
Major Attractions has spent
its entire budget allocation fa
this year. In other wads, baby,
they've blown their proverbial
wad.
Because we felt that the next
show would go over, we took all
the money from Student Funds,
then fran all the other Union
canmittees funds.
It was l ike a gambling habit.
Ghanang another concert, we
took mae maiey fran the ECU
76- 77 school budget. And then,
would you believe it, the oommit-
tee took money from my pocket.
Handsome added that he is
now broke and is currently
proofreading the Reflector fa a
.i new job.
Maja Attractions has spcn-
saed a great deal of entertain-
ment on the campus this year.
But, due to no publicity or
advertising, tew tickets were
old
I thought we would try the
band-wagon technique, said
Bob Sebarhea, famer canmittee
chairman.
"I figured it would pass on by
wad of mouth. But these people
can t communicate anymae-all
they want to do is stay home and
stay stoned.
What else can I say? You
have to learn by trial and erra.
It snotmy damn fault.
Sebarhea concluded by say-
ing that the committee did err,
much to his dismay.
Maja Attractions tried des-
perately to book first-rate enter-
tainment on the campus. Accord-
ing to ex-committee member,
Danny Wrong, he doesn't under-
stand why the committee failed.
We book what the six
members want, said Wrong.
Each concert one of the mem-
bers took a turn as to what he a
she preferred.
I wanted Don Ho, and
consequently, we booked him.
Hell, hehasaT.V. showdon't
ask me why nobody came. That's
all I ve got saygo away
Maja Attractions also booked
Les Brown and his Band of
Heknown (without Les), Perry
Cano, Johnny Ray, The Coasters,
Spanky and our gang, Iggy Pop,
toot ball starcountry singer Terry
Bradshaw and Kate Smith.
We even tried to get a
comedian, said Wrong. "We
didn t know Lenny Bruce was
dead
Johnny Ray and Iggy Pop
were the biggest shows of the
year, according to Mrs. Ticket
Price, of the Central Ticket
Office.
Those two shows drew a
strong aowd, ' said Price. "The
aowds really loved Ray's aying
act and Iggy s masochistic inclin-
ations.
I came out of Wright Audi-
taium with a sense of satisfaction
after those oonoerts. Iggy gave
me the chill bumps mae than
once
But according to Handsome,
the shows were finanaal failures.
"There were only about 269
people for Ray's show, and
maybe 300 for Iggy said
Handsome. "That's the strang-
est two oonoerts I have ever
waked with. Those people must
have climbed out of the walls
even Mrs. Price showed up
So ECU faces a financial
dilemma in the coming year due
to a maja Student Uniai com-
mittee. Maja Attractions de-
tends their actions and believes
what they,did was in the best
interests of the students.
We want to give it another
try, said Handsome.
It Chancel la Jenkins will
lend us the maiey, we could book
Charlie Rich again. This time on
the mall.
And as the saying goes, "old
soldiers never die neither do
n,ni-oae gamblers.
Fernando Valley knows that you
just don't aoss "Pig Pen, as he
has oome to be known.
Pig Pen is happy with his life
of swine and aime, but some-
thing is missing in his life. As
hard as he tries, the only females
who can tolerate the dominant
oda of his success are a bunch of
sows.
One day, however, while
making a hog run, Pig Pen sees a
small boy standing on a street
caner aying. He stops his trick
and asks the child what the matter
is. The boy bows his head and
explains that he was abandoned
the night befae by his parents,
who went to Hollywood to break
into films. Pig Pen asks his name
and he says Mebane, but explains
that everyone calls him Bean, fa
short.
Pig Pen offers to adopt Bean,
and the child gladly accepts. He
takes a handkerchief out to cover
his nose, then rides off with Pig
Pen and the hogs.
Again, time passes very
quickly. Bean Pinto is suddenly a
young man (played by Henry Da
Fonz" Winkler). He happily helps
Pig Pen in the business, and
dates women with head oolds. Pig
Pen and Bean oome home one day
and find a large limousine waiting
atthedoa. Out steps a beautiful,
but wrinkled woman and a man
who looks familiar to both of
them. You guessed it, it's Bean's
long lost father. It is also Pig
Pen's long lost father.
There is great upsetment
among all of them and Pig Pen
ultimately kicks Bean out, saying,
"I'm na my brother's keeper
Pig Pen turns to a life of drinking
and wallowing, and Bean bitterly
sets out to start his own trucking
business.
Destiny once again sends a
Pinto to Mexioo, but this time the
commodity he deals in is gold of
the Acapulco type. As years pass,
Bean Pinto becomes the most
famous Pinto of all. His product is
known fa its low content of seeds
and stalks. He is on the high of a
lifetime. He even diversifies,
making runs to the Eastern part
of the nation.
It is on one of those trips that
he meets Sally Sunshine (played
by Anita Bryant). He sees Sally
sitting in a tacky juice bar in
Flaida, and he realizes that he
finally has sonething to live fa.
He whisks her away, and even
lets her help in the business,
teliing tier she's rolling rare and
preaous medianal herbs in those
little white papers.
The final episode of ROUTES
shows Bean, now a dying old
man, riding on the passenger's
side of a deluxe pickup truck. In
the closing speech, he proudly
speaks of his heritage; of his
grandfather (who is also his
father) transpating Chicanos, of
his father (who is also his brother)
transpating pigs, and of his own
life, which has been devoted to
improving the spirits of American
youth.
Suddenly the vision of his
ancestas appear (supplemented
by the New Christy Minstrels and
the Marnan Tabernacle Choir).
The show ends with all of the
Pinto's singing "I Did it My
Way A true American stay.
11
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Page 10
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BUGLEHEAD
tf
1 April 1977
0
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Noman out - something fishy going on
Ted "Tadpole" Noman. Pir-
ate swimming sensation, has
been disqualified from participat-
ing in any future swimming
events.
After a medical check-up, it
has been discovered that Noman
is half human, half fish.
Dr. Metals, ECU infirmary
physician, saidihat he discovered
the phenomenon while giving
Noman his yearly physical.
"From the beginning of the
examination. I felt that something
was strange said Metals.
Ted's hands were cold and cla-
mmv. and he had a strange odor
about him. I thought he was just
nervous.
"I then noticed his skin was
scaly and felt rather slimey, you
know, like when you take a trout
off the hook.
"Then the amazing part be-
gan said Metals. "I asked
Noman to remove his shirt, and
noticed a row of sharp lumps on
his back. These turned out to be
fins
After further testing, Metals
noticed that there were gills on
both sides of Noman's neck.
That was the real shocker. I
guess he has been able to cover
them up by wearing turtlenecks
and scarfs
Overall. Metals said that Ted
was in good shape for someone in
his condition. "Ted passed the
physical said Metals, "but I'm
afraid I didn't check his gills
properly. I've never given a
check-up to a fish before. I do
think he is a member of a salt
water species, though
Noman. after some re-
luctance, finally broke down and
decided to discuss the situation.
"I've been this way ever since
childhood said Noman. "I
started noticing the change' (as
he refers to it) when I was about
seven. My family and friends
were curious as to why I stayed in
the bathtub for long periods of
time
It was then that the Noman's
moved to Florida, fearing what
would happen to little Teddy if he
didn't get his daily swim.
"My parents have been very
understanding throughout the
whole thing said Ted. "They
never once threatened to put me
in a circus
Now that Noman will no
longer be able to compete,says he
can be of use to those interested
in the water.
Maybe I can give swimming
lessons, or coach a team some-
where. But I will not, as someone
suggested, rent myself out to
fishermen to find the big schools.
Even though I've never been
tempted by a hook and worm, I
won't sell out to my half brothers
and sisters that way
Leaving the team, Noman
holds no grudges. "I've had a
good time he said, "and I feel
I ve done well. I just hope people
don t think my "handicap if you
WHILE NOMAN ADMITTED that he is only half fish, this picture
found in the back pages of the Noman's family album, is believed to be
of Ted's cousins.
want to call it that, has given me
an advantage. It came through
hard work and training.
"I'll miss the guys they
always wondered why I practiced
so much. They didn't know I had
to in order to survive
A lawyer has spoken to
Noman about charging the
school with discrimination, but he
has decided not to pursue it.
Even if ECU is an equal
opportunity employer, I doubt
they II ever accept me
It is currently against univer-
sity regulations to be anything
other than homo-sapiens and
participate in athletic events.
C
t
Rudolph goes through them
changes; headed for Sweden
Talkin' Trash

with Baits Keyes
Harold Rudolph, who was
recently dismissed from ECU'S
football team, yesterday clarified
the reason for his leaving.
"I didn't like the idea of coach
Dye announcing my dismissal
was for disciplinary reasons
said Rudolph. "That's not true, I
don't want people to think I'm
hard to get along with.
"Therefore, I feel I must tell
my teammates and the public the
truth. At the close of the school
year, I am leaving ECU and
traveling to Sweden to have a sex
change operation
HAROLD RUDOLPH
Rudolph said he has been
considering the operation for
quite a few years. "This feeling
has been inside me for quite some
time now. Just dressing up in
women's clothing doesn't satisfy
me anymore.
"Besides, people always
laugh and snicker at me when I' m
in the lingerie department. A guy
can only take so much
Rudolph hopes that now his
friends won't make fun of him.
I'm still the same person on the
inside he said. "Only the pac-
kaging will be a little different
When asked how he acquired
enough money to have the
operation, Rudolph said he traded
in the cars which came along with
his football scholarship, fixed a
majority of the games he has
played in, and sold pencils on
streetoorners.
It's been rough he said,
"but it's something I had to do
Rudolph thinks his whole
outlook on life will change once
the operation is performed. "I
won't have to play that silly
macho role anymore. I'll be free
to do the things I've always
dreamed about. I can't wait to
walk out on the beach in a string
bikini.
After the operation, Rudolph
hopes to find a job and eventually
get married. I guess I'm just like
any other girl
Editor's Note: The totlowing is an exclusive interview with ECU
A thletic Director Candy Cane. The interview was conducted on several
occasions, depending on the accessability and condition of
BUGLEHEAD reporter, Balls Keyes.)
BUGLEHEAD: To start out on a light noteMr. Cand, how wou
Cane: COACH CANE to you, young man. All you reporters are the
same. Whippin' out fast questions and no respect for us coaches.
BUGLEHEAD: Excuse me, uh Coach. Sorry about that.
Cane: That's more like it Balls.
BUGLEHEAD: Coach Cane, how would you describe the relationship
between you as representative of the coaching staff - and the
jcc.uh, athletes on this campus.
Cane: Balls I like to think we have a very good relationship between
the coaches and the boys. In the past I have personally invited all the
boys over to my house for weenies and burgers. A few of the boys even
spent the night.
BUGLEHEAD: Why did they spend the night, Coach?
Cane: Well as you know boys tend to meddle. A couple of the football
boys found my bottle of Echo Springs under the sofa. A coach can't
punish his boys for everythingHell, we wouldn t have any teams.
BUGLEHEAD: Coach, are there any acknowledged homosexuals in
the ECU sports program?
Cane: You mean - fags?
BUGLEHEAD: In layman's terms, yes!
Cane: Balls. to my knowledge I know of none on my teams Wait I
do re. You know a few of the boys did sleep together that night at the
house. I didn t realizeBalls, do you know if there are any on my
teams?
BUGLEHEAD: Coach, has ECU ever committed any recruitment
violations?
Cane: Nothm' that deserves to be mentioned to the public. Ask another
question Balls you know that's a touchy subject tor me.
BUGLEHEAD: But Coach. Don't you want an open sports administra-
tion? It's the American way. There has to be an open communication
between the press and the administration, and consequently, the
people. That s what it sail about. Coach. Listen man, who do you think
See BALLS, pg. 11

T�
W$l
�fc
One-arm bandit returns
&
�
ECU quarterback Pete Cone-
head, who had his passing arm
amputated from the elbow down
after a freak aocident, has been
practicing with the team this
week.
"I'm not a quitter said
Conehead. "And I'm too stub-
born to change my throwing style
and use my left arm. I'm
determined to pass just as
before
Conehead suffered the injury
as the result of a practical joke.
He placed his arm in a whirlpool
bath, not knowing someone had
put a shark in it.
"It was a sick thing to do
said Pete. "I only wish I knew
who did it
Concerning his football ca-
reer, Conehead feels there is no
reason why his injury should
disable him. "I'm physically fit, I
know all the plays, and am
experienced. The only thing
which may change is I'll be
throwing shorter passes. You
don't need the bomb all the
time
Conehead says now his only
problem is learning how to pick
up the ball.
PETE CONEHEAD
Gang plays with wrestlers muscles

Two ECU grapplers, whose
names are currently being with-
held, were molested last night
when leaving wrestling practice.
The attack occurred around
8:00 outside Minges Coliseum.
One wrestler relayed this
account of the incident:
We were walking back to the
dam when a gang of guys with
crazed looks in their eyes ap-
proached us. They asked us if we
were wrestlers. When we said
yes. they said they wanted to look
at our muscles. Right then I
suspected something was up.
"The group then circled a-
round us, leaving us no way to
escape. We yelled fa help but
nobody came.
At this point, the gang
brought out whips. I thought we
were goners fa sure. They
began cracking their whips, tell-
ing us to get down on our knees,
which we did.
Once we were kneeling, the
gang told us to take off our shirts,
which we also did. They started
rubbing our arms. After a few
minutes they started moaning. I
thought they were really going to
beat us then
'But instead they started
whipping each other. The harder
they whipped, the more they
seemed toenjoy it. They kept this
up fa a few minutes, until they
all fell in oie big heap oi the
ground.
They then got up, gathered
their whips and left. We were
baffled.
The incident is now under
further investigation.
I Wish I Knew Now
What I Knew Then
I PheltaThi Annual
Art & Photo Competition
April 32-34 Pogue Galleries it Cases
3 Categories
For Awards
-Tacky
Second - Tackier
- Tackiest
Judged by Mr. Tacky
Himself, Johnny Dollar.
BALLS
Continued from pg. 10
1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 11

pays your salary? It s the students, man. At least they deserve to
know!
Cane: Okay enough Balls. I know you re right. I know that I should be
open with you guys. But I m scared to death, man. They could hang me
by the teeth with all we've done.
BUGLEHEAD: Whawhat do you mean - THEY?
Cane: They, Balls that's all I've got to say
BUGLEHEAD: You can't stop now Coach! This is the stay of the year.
It'sa spats Watergate in themakin' .Notellin' what exposure I could
get from thisthink of the money I cou
Cane: Money! Did you say money, Balls?
BUGLEHEAD: Yeahmoney. The stuff that keeps us alive. The stuff
that makes us very happy. The stuff that makes animals out of
someThe stu
Cane: Enough! How much is in it for me, Balls? I'll tell you everything
for the right price. They'll find out sooner or later. Hell, I could be a
tree and very rich man in Mexico by tomorrow night. I could get used to
Mexican food. Get your pen and paper ready Balls. I want a 60 per cent
cut, or no story. It's only fair. I committed those violations not you,
balls. Ill be in the news - not you, Balls.
BUGLEHEAD: Okay Coach. 50 per cent but can you get me a couple
of season tickets?
Cane: Fair enough. It all started like this one of the boys - no names
because they're all under age. One of the boys asked for a half
dollarhe wanted a chocolate malted. I couldn't refuseI think of
them as my boys
t
The Brest Reviews
of David Bosnick
Did You Like?
"A Star Is Corn"
EZU Playhouse Productions
"It Was Alive"???
Now you can got a voluminous cofloction of those
past reviews to complete your home library.
Haven't started a library yet?
What better way to feel your way into the critical
literary world of reviews.
Write: Buglehead
206 S. Jarvis St.
oo Brest Reviews

-�
t$
Page 10
o
6purt3
P

t
BUGLEHEAD

1 April 1977
0
�r

Noman out - something fishy going on
i
Ted Tadpole" Noman, Pir-
ate swimming sensation, has
been disqualified from participat-
ing in any future swimming
events.
After a medical check-up, it
has been discovered that Noman
is half human, half fish.
Dr. Metals, ECU infirmary
physician, said that he discovered
the phenomenon while giving
Noman his yearly physical.
"From the beginning of the
examination. I felt that something
was strange said Metals.
"Ted's hands were cold and cla-
mmv. and he had a strange odor
about him. I thought he was just
nervous.
"I then noticed his skin was
scaly and felt rather slimey, you
know, like when you take a trout
off the hook.
"Then the amazing part be-
gan said Metals. "I asked
Noman to remove his shirt, and
noticed a row of sharp lumps on
his back. These turned out to be
fins
After further testing, Metals
noticed that there were g'lls on
both sides of Noman's neck.
"That was the real shocker. I
guess he has been able to cover
them up by wearing turtlenecks
and scarfs
Overall. Metals said that Ted
was in good shape fa someone in
his condition. "Ted passed the
physical said Metals, "but I'm
afraid I didn't check his gills
properly. I've never given a
check-up to a fish before. I do
think he is a member of a salt
water species, though
Noman, after some re-
luctance, finally broke down and
decided to discuss the situation.
"I've been this way ever since
childhood said Noman. "
started noticing the change' (as
he refers to it) when I was about
seven. My family and friends
were curious as to why I stayed in
the bathtub for long periods of
time
It was then that the Noman's
moved to Florida, fearing what
would happen to little Teddy if he
didn't get his daily swim.
"My parents have been very
understanding throughout the
whole thing said Ted. "They
never once threatened to put me
in a circus
Now that Noman will no
iqer be able to compete,says he
can be of use to those interested
in the water.
"Maybe I can give swimming
lessons, or coach a team some-
where. But I will not, as someone
suggested, rent myself out to
fishermen to find the big schools.
Even though I've never been
tempted by a hook and worm, I
won't sell out to my half brothers
and sisters that way
Leaving the team, Noman
holds no grudges. "I've had a
good time he said, "and I feel
I ve done well. I just hope people
don't think my handicap , if you
WHILE NOMAN ADMITTED that he is only half fish, this picture
found in the back pages of the Noman's family album, is believed to be
of Ted's cousins.
want to call it that, has given me
an advantage. It came through
hard work and training.
"I'll miss the guys they
always wondered why I practiced
so much. They didn't know I had
to in order to survive
A lawyer has spoken to
Noman about charging the
school with discrimination, but he
has decided not to pursue it
Even if ECU is an equal
op ortunity employer, I doubt
they II ever accept me
It is currently against univer-
sity regulations to be anything
other than homo-sapiens and
participate in athletic events.
C
Rudolph goes through them
changes; headed for Sweden
TalkirT Trash


Harold Rudolph, who was
recently dismissed from ECU'S
football team, yesterday clarified
the reason for his leaving.
"I didn't like the idea of ooach
Dye announcing my dismissal
was for disciplinary reasons
said Rudolph. "That's not true, I
don't want people to think I'm
hard to get along with.
"Therefore, I feel I must tell
my teammates and the public the
truth. At the dose of the school
year, I am 'eaving ECU and
traveling to Sweden to have a sex
change operation
HAROLD RUDOLPH
Rudolph said he has been
considering the operation for
quite a few years. "This feeling
has been inside me for quite some
time now. Just dressing up in
women's clothing doesn't satisfy
me anymore.
'Besides, people always
laugh and snicker at me when I'm
in the lingerie department. A guy
can only take so much
Rudolph hopes that now his
friends won't make fun of him.
"I'm still the same person on the
ms�de he said. "Only the pac-
kaging will be a little different
When asked how he acquired
enough money to have the
operation, Rudolph said he traded
in the cars which came along with
his football scholarship, fixed a
majority of the games he has
played in, and sold pencils on
streetoorners.
It's been rough he said,
"but it's something I had to do
Rudolph thinks his whole
outlook on life will change once
the operation is performed. "I
won't have to play that silly
macho role anymore. I'll be free
to do the things I've always
dreamed about. I can't wait to
walk out on the beach in a string
bikini.
After the operation, Rudolph
hopes to find a job and eventually
get married. I guess I'm just like
any other girl
Editc's Note: The following is an exclusive interview with ECU
A thletic Director Candy Cane. The interview was conducted on several
occasions, depending on the accessability and condition of
BUGLEHEAD reporter, Balls Keyes.
BUGLEHEAD: To start out on a light noteMr. Cand, how wou
Cane: COACH CANE to you, young man. All you reporters are the
same. Whippin' out fast questions and no respect for us coaches.
BUGLEHEAD: Excuse me, uh Coach. Sorry about that.
Cane: That's more like it Balls.
BUGLEHEAD: Coach Cane, how would you describe the relationship
between you as representative of the coaching staff - and the
joc.uh, athletes on this campus.
Cane: Balls like to think we have a very good relationship between
the coaches and the boys. In the past I have personally invited all the
boys over to my house for weenies and burgers. A few of the boys even
spent the night.
BUGLEHEAD: Why did they spend the night, Coach?
Cane: Well as you know boys tend to meddle. A couple of the football
boys found my bottle of Echo Springs under the sofa. A coach can't
punish his boys for everythingHell, we wouldn t have any teams.
BUGLEHEAD: Coach, are there any acknowledged homosexuals in
the ECU sports program?
Cane: You mean - fags?
BUGLEHEAD: In layman's terms, yes!
Cane: Balls. to my knowledge I know of none on my teams Wait I
do re You know a few of the boys did sleep together that night at the
house. I didn t realizeBalls, do you know if there are any on my
teams?
BUGLEHEAD: Coach, has ECU ever committed any reauitment
violations?
Cane: Nothin that deserves tobe mentioned to the public. Ask another
question Ballsyou know that's a touchy subject for me.
BUGLEHEAD: But Coach. Don t you want an open sports administra-
tion? Its the American way. There has to be an open communication
between the press and the administration, and consequently, the
people. That s what it sail about, Coach. Listen man, who do you think
See BALLS, pg. 11

fe
One-arm bandit returns
&
0
ECU quarterback Pete Cone-
head, who had his passing arm
amputated from the elbow down
after a freak aocident, has been
practicing with the team this
week.
"I'm not a quitter said
Conehead. "And I'm too stub-
born to change my throwing style
and use my left arm. I'm
determined to pass just as
before
Conehead suffered the injury
as the result of a practical joke.
He placed his arm in a whirlpool
bath, not knowing someone had
put a shark in it.
"It was a sick thing to do
said Pete. "I only wish I knew
who did it
Concerning his football ca-
reer, Conehead feels there is no
reason why his injury should
disable him. "I'm physically fit, I
know all the plays, and am
experienced. The only thing
which may change is I'll be
throwing shorter passes. You
don't need the bomb all the
time
Conehead says now his only
problem is learning how to pick
up the ball.
PETE CONEHEAD
Gang plays with wrestlers muscles

Two ECU grapplers, whose
names are currently being with-
held, were molested last night
when leaving wrestling practice.
The attack occurred arouna
8:00 outside Minges Coliseum.
One wrestler relayed this
account of the incident:
We were walking back to the
dorm when a gang of guys with
crazed looks in their eyes ap-
proached us. They asked us if we
were wrestlers. When we said
yes, they said they wanted to look
at our muscles. Right then I
suspected something was up.
"The group then circled a-
round us, leaving us no way to
escape. We yelled for help but
nobody came.
At this point, the gang
brought out whips. I thought we
were goners for sure. They
began cracking their whips, tell-
ing us to get down on our knees,
which we did.
Once we were kneeling, the
gang told us to take off our shirts,
which we also did. They started
rubbing our arms. After a few
minutes they started moaning. I
thought they were really going to
beat us then
But instead they started
whipping each other. The harder
they whipped, the more they
seemed to enjoy it. They kept this
up for a few minutes, until they
all fell in one big heap on the
ground.
They then got up, gathered
their whips and left. We were
baffled
The incident is now under
further investigation.
I Wish I Knew Now
What I Knew Then
I PheltaThi Annual
Art & Photo Competition
April 32-34 Pogue Galleries & Cases
3 Categories
For Awards
Third - Tacky
Second-
First- Tackiest
Judged by Mr. Tacky
Himself, Johnny Dollar.
BALLS
Continued from pg. 10)
1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 11

pays your salary? It's the students, man. At least they deserve to
know!
Cane: Okay. enough Balls. I know you re right. I know that I should be
open with you guys. But I'm scared to death, man. They could hang me
by the teeth with all we've done.
BUGLEHEAD: Whawhat do you mean - THEY?
Cane: They, Balls that's all I've got to say
BUGLEHEAD: You can't stop now Coach! This is the story of the year.
It sasportsWatergateinthemakinNotellin' what exposure I could
get trom thisthink of the money I oou
Cane: Money! Did you say money, Balls?
BUGLEHEAD: Yeahmoney. The stuff that keeps us alive. The stuff
that makes us very happy. The stuff that makes animals out of
someThe stu
Cane: Enough! How much is in it for me, Balls? I'll tell you everything
for the right price. They'll find out sooner or later. Hell, I could be a
free and very rich man in Mexico by tomorrow night. I could get used to
Mexican food. Get your pen and paper ready Balls, I want a 60 per cent
cut, or no story. It's only fair. I committed those violations not you,
balls. I II be in the news not you, Balls.
BUGLEHEAD: Okay Coach. 50 percentbut can you get me a couple
of season tickets?
Cane. Fair enough. It all started like this one of the boys - no names
because they re all under age. One of the boys asked for a half
dollarhe wanted a chocolate malted. I couldn't refuse think of
them as my boys
i
The Brest Reviews
off David Bosnick
Did You Like?
"A Star Is Corn"
EZU Playhouse Productions
"It Was Alive"???
Now you can get a voluminous collection of these
past reviews to complete your home library.
Haven't started a library yet?
What better way to feel your way into the critical
literary world of reviews.
Write: Buglehead
206S.JarvisSt.
co Brest Reviews

Page 12 BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977
ECU SCRATCHES PIRATE
Adopts new mascot!