I, ! to Wm ents of :nts His ur lay I - M 8 for ito was. ding ser le trol, s t itists leat Thursday High: 12 Low: 150 Friday High: -3 Low: 118 Online Survey Will you seek medic treatment from the Sonic Plaza radiation? Carolinian www.dailytarheel.com THURSDAY, APRIL 1,1999 VOLUME 74. ISSUE 33 Dean Dung finds himself a new hottie. Inquiring minds want to know who the lucky lady is. Sonic Plait emits dangerous radiation Students Against Horrible Deaths protest Harry Pitz Walking between the light-sensi- tive pillars in front of the new Joyner Library addition may be hazardous to your health, accord- ing to recent findings by the ECU School of Medicine. Tests on mice and special radi- ation-sensitive film show high lev- els of unsafe radiation all around the pillars, whose new light sensors use infrared beams to trigger a musical burst each time a student Search for Coach Ends Pitino signed, tuition slated to rise Stephen Spam nature boy When the search for a new bas- ketball coach began, the goal was to hire a big name coach. Wednesday, E C U announced itl had landedl one of thel b i g g e s I coaches inl the game, Rick Pitino. The for-l m e rl Kentucky Wildcats and Boston Celtics coach will be officially named head coach in a press conference slated for Friday. Pitino has reportedly inked a nine year deal worth over 145 mil- lion dollars. The contract is the largest in col- tege basketball history. The specifics of the deal have not been released. Tuition will be increased by 200 percent over the next year to pay for Pitino's services. Student reaction to the deal was mixed. "Do what?" said senior, Physical Therapy major, Chase Harrington. "I knew they wanted a good coach, but that's a lot of money Other students were less critical. "Who's Rick Pitino?" said sophomore, Decision Sciences major, Bryan Schultheis. ECU athletes are pleased with the signing. "That would be straight said ECU sprinter Britt Cox. "Pitino is a good coach, but they should have gotten Phil Jackson Pitino won a National Championship in 19 with the University of Kentucky. He took the Wildcats to three Final Fours. He also took Providence to trie Final Four once. He will make more money at ECU than he made in the NBA. passes by and trips a sensor. Said Dr. John Polish of the Radiation Treatment Center, "A beam of radiation that intense can interfere with a student's motor capabilities, cause brain damage, render him or her sterile, or prove fatal Head of Facilities Services Barbara Spoons claimed that she was "unaware of the risk" and has taken steps to reduce the radiation by at least 13 percent. "In addition to turning off the Sonic Plaza's electricity at 11 p.m we will now leave it off between the hours of four and six p.m. on every other Friday afternoon she says. "I don't really think I want my daughter to attend a school where there is a 65 percent chance she'll turn into a mutant said Charles Pew, father of an unnamed prospective freshman. Students are already organizing campus-wide protests for April, including a candlelight vigil and boycott of the library. The PDQ fraternity is sponsor- ing a protest car wash, and the local chapter of Students Against Horrible Deaths are heading up a march, which they hope will attract national attention. "I like this school said student leader Ernest Spans. "I just don't think we should have to die here Pee Dee Giwn Kinder, Gender Image Changes bring peace to campus Flatulent Fairy stafk writer The ECU board of Regents, in conjunction with ECU Athletics, announced a decision yesterday that will have a profound effect on Pirate attitude: Petey the Pirate is scheduled to become a kinder, gentler mascot beginning next Monday. "We've had complaints in the past, ever since Petey changed his image last year said board mem- ber Nass T Oldman. Petey's new image impressed students and faculty at first, but the sudden weight loss and the new pressure to look "cool" have taken their toll on him mentally. This year has been turbulent for our mascot, the brave and valiant Petey the Pirate. After a strenuous semester of dieting and exercising in the Minges training room, Petey proudly displayed his slimmer, trimmer, more muscular physique to the world a year ago. But Petey had changed, some- how. No longer the pleasantly portly soul seen scowling down in a dis- pleased manner from water towers and store windows, Petey had taken to acts of unwarranted aggression on and off the field. Coach Q. Tipp Browne of the ECU badminton team agrees wholeheartedly with the decision, citing his own personal relief that the "reign of terror" is now over. "Petey would verbally harass team members Browne recalled. "Then he would wait until they went to use the restroom during practice, and take away their lunch money Scheduled changes for Monday include a nice smile, ruffly sleeves and cuddly tummy that children and adults alike will love to rub. Now the streets will be safer, and students will not have to worry about being attacked at practice. "The changes haven't come a moment too soon said freshman Ben Dover. "We want the old Petev back The Board of Regents announced the new kinder, gentler Pirate in response to this year's testos- terone charged image. ILLUSTRATION BY CHRIS KHOTTS Committee honors mall preacher with statue Birdlove condemns students lifestyles KRISTY KREME LATE WRITER A statue of the annual mall visitor has been given to the school in honor of his mission work. Jery Birdlove, an evangelist that visits ECU's campus annually, has decided to give a statue in honor of his message. Birdlove feels the campus needs the statue to remind them of their daily sin. The statue will be placed in the mall directly across from the library. When people walk by, the statue will blurt but phrases. Birdlove feels if the statue is here on cam- pus, then there will be less of a need for him to come here and preach to the students. The statue will stand on a plat- form and be a total of nine feet in height. Birdlove will be holding a Bible and.pointing his finger as if he were preaching. The estimated cost of the statue is $200,000. Birdlove, who claims to have a degree from the Christ to the Nations Bible College in Dallas, Texas, travels from university to university to preach to the many students about sin. According to Birdlove, ECU is one of the top party schools in the country and is in sore need of reformation. Birdlove has his opinion on women being subservient to their husbands. He feels women should obey and submit to their husbands. "When you meet a man like me, you'll want to submit also Birdlove said. Birdlove was quick to judge the women in his attending crowd the last time he came to campus. He was constantly reminding them they were living in un because they were wearing "B(� It . 'V.J. C4, �8fk- 11PJP1 EHHHw short shorts. He event went as far as saying that declining grades comes from masturbation. "I think Birdlove is full of noth- ing. How would he know this fact, unless it came from personal experience said one male in the crowd. Despite the fact that Birdsong enrages specta- tors each year he visits, the univer- sity is allowing his stature to stand on the mall. A sensor will detect passersby and trigger a digi- tal voice to shout some of his favorite sayings. Hoop Ho tryouts to begin 10 women will walk Jiggle, recruit ALR TOO SUNNY CHIEF Following the success of the Athletic Department's Diamond Girl program, plans were announced in a press conference Monday for a spin-off called Hoop Hos. The Hoop Hos program will solicit female college students to try out for a coveted spot as a 1999-2000 Hoop Ho. Ron Jeremy, Director of the program said women will be cho- sen according to the following cri- teria: "Candidates must know where Williams Arena is. "Candidates must at least pre- tend to enjoy basketball. "Candidate should maintain a maximum 2.0 GPA "The exceptional candidate should be able to walk, jiggle, and recruit adolescent high school players all at the same time. Jeremy made it clear that this program should not be confused with Pirate Cheerleaders or Pure Gold Dancers. "We are not looking for women with any particular athletic tal- ents, so to speak Jeremy said. "We want to celebrate the natural abilities of young ladies and apply those abilities to help boost ticket sales, secure better recruits and brighten up promotional events The program is being modeled after the WCW's Nitro Girls. "We don't really expect our girls to achieve what the Nitro Girls have Jeremy said. "Not in the first year anyway Jeremy has already ordered propts that should arrive before the first practice session. "We've got tassels, fingerpaint, all colors of latex fabric for uni- forms and most importantly eight inch platforms, " Jeremy said. "We want these ladies concentrat- ing on walking well and looking hot. There really shouldn't he anytime to think about anything