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2012

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BTk fiz&4&'tt&. HnHH LAMPOON 93ugtel)eab East Carolina University Greenville, North Carolina ft 1 April 1977 Will hitchhike to D.C. Lee 0. resigns to head t-shirt co. It was announced today that Lee Old Jenkins, chancellor of East Carolina University has resigned, effective immediately, in order to take over the manage- ment and oontrol of a faltering T-shirt company. The Washington D.C. firm known as "The D.C.T. Shirt Company is presently i wned by Furd MacDougal, who says he looks forward to meeting Jenkins. "This guy has got to be a mirage said MacDougal. "I mean this place has been harder to move than a broken Arthur Godfrey album. We figure last year our net profit paid for half the postage MacDougal- added. MacDougal related that Jenkins' receipt fa the company had ! en sent to him via a hitch hiker on I-95. Jenkins would admit only to "getting a hellacious deal" for the oompany. In answer to why he quit the top post of a mediocre southern university, the former chancellor became animated. He flailed his arms and pranced across the room in a combination Joe Cocker Mick Jagger imitation as he responded. It's my lifestyle, man. I'm shakin' out the lint According to Jenkins, the project "is a creative outlet. It's an artlike my building. Have you seen my art building? It's really nicekinda' pointy in some places but they did it like that on purpose Jenkins said he hoped to revolutionize the T-shirt in- dustry with fresh thinking and good looks. "We're gonna' have a Dolly Parton shirt with the chest in relief! You know, little chesties built right in! All in good taste of course To say that Jenkins seems optimistic would be an under- statement. This is a sure thing he said. "I'm so excited my palms are sweating The former ECU cheerleader felt the change of jobs could be just the boost his political career needs. "Lester Maddox sold axe handles, I sell T-shirts. Times are changing you know Jenkins noted several sim- ilarities between the career and life of Lester Maddox and his own meteoric rise to fame. "Even our initials are the same, exoept fa the M he said. "I'm proud of that too. As far as I'm oonoerned, Lester Maddox is a credit to his race The up and ooming T-shirt king said that the idea fa his new enterprise had been in the back of his mind fa a loig time befae he fully developed it. "One night Joe Balder and I were riding around listening to the police moiita in thisold army surplus half track he's got. I grabbed a cigarette from a pack on the seat and lit up. He must have sat on it, 'cause it was really bent up. Anyhow, since it was the last one in the pack we shared it. By the time that thing was gone must have been a Lucky Strike cause there was no filter and it was sat of harshI knew what I had to do. I called my wife from Jerry's Sweet Shop that same night ECU changes mascot (See story, p. 12) Police report Eleven ooeds were raped last night on campus between 8:30 and 10:45 while campus police ignaed their aies ot distress. All on-duty campus cops were busy at various other scenes on campus. Sx campus oops looked on as ten tow trucks towed away White dam, aie of the high-rise dams at the south end of campus. "White dam was taking up space that could be used fa parking said aie unidentified cop. When asked why he and other cops ignaed the screams of the girls being raped, he replied, "We have a job to do, and all of us can't be at one place at one time This repater pointed out that there were six cops at the site of White dam being towed away. Why couldn't four of the oops have aided the ooeds and tried to catch the rapists? "Weil, we were all so full from eating doughnuts and drink- (See RAPES, p. 5) Jenkins evidently had some other marketable ideas, but the details remain a mystery. "I've talked to some people from Ronco and K-Tel. That's all I'm gonna' say he said. When asked if he would still keep residence in Nath Carolina, Jenkins said that he was "moving out fa good. I'm gettin' rid of everything but my Farah Faw- cett poster. (5 L�� 0LD p 5j EVEN AN SGA prez needs a best friend. Campus police kill one, wreck cars in 1st derby Tires screeched, lights flash- ed, and metal aunched as the First Annual Campus Police Car Demolition Derby got underway last Thursday at the State High- way Department's junked car lot. ECU Security Officer Joe Mauler called the event a "total- �i suocess. Acoading to Mauler, twelve competitas entered the event. "These guys are the tops in ruining campus property, so we of the department felt that they were the most qualified to enter. Mauler said that a couple of the officers suffered mina in- juries. "There were a few broken extremities and one guy was killed, but he was a by-stander. "You should've seen what the THE FIRST ANNUAL police demolition derby was quite auhHIT! cars looked like when they ga through with them Mauler said grinning. He said that even though ECU will have to purchase twelve new cars, costing approximately $60,000, he strll enjoyed it. "This is just what we (the campus police) have needed fa a loig time. "These boys put in much time writing parking tickets around campus, and they need a way to vent their frustrations, Mauler added. Up to this point, the polioe have been venting their frustra- tions by running into trees and students, aocading to Mauler. "We've run into several pro- blems with the boys lately. A few of them have started putting markson their cars fa every time that they have an accident, two marks fa inanimate objects like telephone poles and buildings and five marks fa people and animals Aocading to Mauler, he has great hopes fa the future of the Demolition Derby. "Thiscould really grow into a big event fa the entire city.Next year we hope to sell tickets and have the competition in the chancel la's frait yard. ��i �� IHIHHHHHHNHHflHBHi �����I & a p o- laSfyer ft $ Page 2 BUGLEHEAO 1 April 1977 What to say GDIs A new course is being offered through the Division of Continu- ing Education, "What to Say When You Can't Say Anything Nice The course will oount as a Humanities and Fine Arts credit and will be taught by David Bosnick. Mouth Lecturing at Mendenhall April 7 at 7:30 is the "Mouth of the South Robert Swaim will lecture on how to obtain your own overpass. Derby The Annual Campus Police Car Demolition Derby will be held at the State Highway Depart- ment's junked car lot. Joe "Crash" Mauler will be there defending his title. Sacrifice The ECU Coven will hold its annual sacrifice at the next full moon in Brewster B-107. Come on out fa some blood, gore, and blasphemy from the underworld. Don't be a oonformist. Ex- press your individuality - rush Gamma Delta lota, the frat for radical independents. The initiation fee of $5,000 includes pin, jersey with letters and a lifetime pass to Happy Hour. Seeds Help out the heads of Beta Phi Alpha post bonds for their housemother. Get your car wash- ed and those incriminating seeds vacuumed out at their car wash this Sat. from 10 p.m. to 4 p.m. at University Gulf. Closet gays The monthly meeting of Cam- pus Closet Queens and Kings will meet in the broom closet of the second floor of the Drama Bldg April 3 at 8:30 p.m. Lost ruler Stop Everything! J. Sharp Williams has lost his ruler. Anyone finding it please bring it by FOUNTAINHEAD office so we can get back to work. Plumbers ECU publications will be replaced next fall term by the rubber stamp division of the Student Government Association. The Communications Board is presently screening for the editor in patsy for the only publication and will accept applicants only from the Sigma Nurd fraternity. Apply now for the editorship. It will be almost like working with Richard Nixon. Senile duo The Business Department is presently looking for students to fill the classes now vacant in the senile accounting section. Drs. Blotter and Dctor have moment- arily refused to admit students because they appear to be rational, thinking individuals. If you have any intentions of replacing senility with rationality, please oome by the accounting department and vote no for the senile duo. Buc Remember that if you want a yearbook next fall - it is too damn late to order one! If you have any questions call us at 757-6501. SandM A course in "How To Work With Black Leather and Chains" will discuss problems in design- ing and sewing clothes for the S and M inclined. Information available from the Division of Continuing Education. Beach baby In an effort to prolong the feeling of Spring Break, the Films Committee will show a "Beach Movie Festival" complete with Frankie Avalon - Annette Funioello movies at the Student Theatre April 9, 7-12 p.m. Cough deposit In order to keep Health fees from rising, the Infirmary is requiring a $1 deposit on Robi- tussin oough syrup bottles. Ef- fective immediately. Arthropods Anyone found stepping, fum- ic ing, or in any other way destroying ECU s mascot will be denied any penicillin shots at the Infirmary. Paper thieves The ECU chapter of the Society for Collegiate Paper Thieves will hold a special seminar in the Aycock Dorm third floor restroom. The seminar will enoompass paper thievery at its best and how to avoid the campus polioe in the process. Leading the seminar will be Patrick Patrick and fellow Kappa Alpo fraternity members. Old salts The ECU Political Science Department will hold a quasi important spring meeting on the proper salty food to eat while consuming a tossed salad. Fea- tured speaker will be Dr. Melba Toast Sodium and her assistant graduate assistant Harrison G. Grubbs. SGG The Earl of Doorslam will meet individually with the Society of Gallant Gossips (SGG) this Wednesday morning in hopes to curb slipping relationships be- tween the two. The Earl has recently been perturbed by the boisterous actions of the SGG hopes to curtail their vocal strength. c a & & & 1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 3 Greenville to restore original city The Greenville City Council Thursday decided unanimously to return the city back to its natural condition and launched an ex- tensive three-year restoration project to accomplish this feat. Aocording to Mayor Percy Cob, Greenville must "stand unique in the state of North Carolina. All other cities are progressing. Greenville will stand out among the rest by regress- ing Therefore, City Planner John Schoffer will begin work on the project within 60 days, Cob said. The first phase of the project will be to plow up the landscaped 'Towne Common" and build several delapidated shacks along the river bank. "Greenville began in slums, and that's the way history dict- ates we keep it Cob said. The next phases include tear- ing up the Evans St. Mall and remodeling the fronts of the mall stores. Three thousand termites are being imported from Beaufort, N.C. to aid in the restoration of the store buildings. The old North Carolina Na- tional Bank(NCNB) that was just recently destroyed, will, be re- built at the five-points inter- section downtown equipped with such historic memoirs as faulty elevators, crumbling plaster and broken windows. Cars stuck in mud lots � near dorms Due to the fact that students can no longer park in the Mendenhall Student Center park- ing lot between the hours of 1 a.m. and 8 a.m 450 cars, parked in the dirt parking lots near the high-rise dams and behind the student center and library, are stuck in foot-deep mud due to a Greenville rain which fell yester- day. The signs posted at Menden- hall, which state that only univer- sity-registered vehicles are allow- ed to park there anytime except between 1 a.m. amd 8 a.m have recently begun to be enforced. Joe Balder, Campus Chief of Security, received many anony- mous phone calls, most of them threatening, because he had refused to allow students to park in the Mendenhall Student Center parking lot during that time. Balder said that the Menden- hall parking lot is fa students who need to park their cars there fa shat lengths of time; not fa days. When asked why the parking lots were nrt paved, which would have prevented the cars from being anchaed in the groping mud, Balder replied that his face had not written enough tickets in ader to pay fa the cost of paving. Balder promised, however, that he would see to it that mae tickets are written and mae cars are towed in ader to collect the money needed fa paving "We are trying to re-capture the spirit of the aiginal city Cob said. City planner Schoffer pro- posed adding still another "point" to the five-points inter- section "so that our city resi- dents, can once again, witness the excitement of the old chaos of the city streets mae fully. Council applauded Schoffer's proposal, adding that the street lights should be removed to further enhance the pre-progres- sjve mood. A few downtown merchants were present at the Council meeting and offered to help the project in any way they could. Tom Haines owner of the Attic, volunteered to return his establishment to its aiginal Fifth St. site and use the froit entrance again as he used to. "I'll bring the inside walls in a bit so that the East Carolina students can reminisce about the lack of breathing space and dancing area we used to have he said. Firechief Jack R. Sun was pleased with Haines' ideas, not- ing that his firemen have missed the thrill of wondering when the Attic" would catch on fire a when the floa would fall in from too many people dancing at onoe. Maya Cob has also asked East Carolina University to do its part fa the project. Accading to ECU Chancella Lee Old Jenkins, the university will tear down the modern high-rise damitaies near the downtown area and erect mae scenic dams in their places, such as Gotten and Jarvis Halls. "Animal Kingdom" pet shop is also doing its part by impating 1700 rats to be distributed among the future dams. "With the help of our citizens and the brilliant minds of our city wakers, we should have our fair city back to its histaic natural condition in no time Cob said. "And the Greenville residents can, once again, be proud of their hometown The entire project should cost approximately $5.00 if everyone involved uses the appropriate construction materials required fa such an histaic restaatiai, accading to Cob. SUCH NOSTALGIC SCENES as this will soon cover our fair city, thanks to the new restoration proect. What has 2 Legs, mumbles incoherently, and Acts Uncoordinated? Find out when you visit tho all now Carolina Zoological Park. Pictured above is our newest zoo member. Xenta, as we call it, fits the above characteristics perfectly. This species is almost extinct (thank god) and was found stumbling aimlessly through Costa Rica. Visit The Zoo Today! Carolina Zoological Park Dasheboro,N.C. � mu 71) e aiiorb Hom Ou)t"� r iKOtT Page 4 BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977 Itchin' for glory How delightful! The good oT alma mater will be joined by a brand new mascot for all the boys and girls to be so proud of. And he's such a cute little devil too. Just think, with this new symbol of our really together school we'll be able to carry our darling little mascot with us wherever we go, instead of just being able to look at a crummy old picture like we had with the other one. Our new mascot is lots better than the live mascots that some schools have. Our precious pet not only feeds and cleans himself and finds his own little home, he is also always busy making sure that there are plenty more just like him to spread around to all our friends in the dorms and to give to those fresh marines with only one crewcut who come downtown. Promises promises A new day has dawned. Student government has figured out a way that the campus publications can make up for all the past scandals they've reported and in so doing, insure that our next payroll will come through unscathed. It's very simply: We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. We promise SGA. ?- never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say antyhing bad about our never to say anything never to say anything bad about our bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our never to say anything bad about our 93uglef)ectb i i i i i i i Searching for the truth for over 51 years. Where is it? Senior EditorIddiott Production ManagerSharp Advertising ManagerStretch News EditorsSlim 'n' da Bra j Trends EditorPot (Spoleto) Coil j Sports EditorHeliumhead j BUGLEHEAD, tor and by the student government association, saturates EZU with propaganda too often during the school year. Mailing address: Dorothea Dix Funny Farm Editorial offices: 757-bull, 757-crap, 757-shis Subscriptions: Free to anyone silly enough to believe this trash, unavailable to all others. & 5& & 0- �tfjer SiforbS �$ o s We don't need commie organizers Dear FLUGLEHORN: I think that students should not be unionized. Why do we have to form a Student Union to get things done? Surely the university administration and the SGA can take care of our every need without all this communist activity on campus. Asa matter of fact, I think the SGA is better than the Student Union when it oomes to giving us entertainment, especially comedy. And for drama, you can't beat reading the school news- paper, waiting fa ECU'S first political assassination to occur. No, we don't need a union. This campus is big enough to take care of itself without all those yankee rabble rousers coming down here and telling us how to nave a good time. It's time we stood up for our own quality tastes. For fun this Thursday night, let sail get funky and give tnose creepy carpetbaggers 10,000 bao-breath rebel yells! Emily Coed Give freshmen equal rights as people Dear BUGLE: I am sick and tired of the way the student newspaper neglects freshmen. Why, even on your own staff you make freshmen write letters to the SENIOR editor instead of giving him space to write his own full-fledged editor- ial. You upperclassmen who call yourselves objective journalists have come to monopolize the student newspaper and are pre- venting any new and fresh ideas to be promulgated in a credible fashion. You bigwigs are always writing libelous editorials and putting your foots into your mouth, why not give us freshman a change? President Anti-Beenie Society Give me what I want and deserve ToB-Head: I want to complain how this newspaper will not print my articles. I charge mismanagement of news and everthing else. I am a world traveler I have been to Tijuana and Cmcinatti and know how to write good. But every time I bring a article to that mismanage newspaper office they tell me to no good. I say they no good. I am a student not a greasy South American like my ennemies think. My articles are about important stuff like how many piranna it takes to chew up King Kong and How to Escape from a Mexican Brothel. But all I get from those elititists at that rag is scorn. I even offered to take a bath before coming to the staff meetings but they still cussed me out. I am, Kenta Hemingway �mil HiBHiHH ��WlKM ECU professor discovers 1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 5 �� musical computer & ECU professor Roberta Aziz Muscatell, while working under a 1970 grant from the Nixxon Administration, has recently pro- voked a "computer-type" ma- chine to sing. This is probably the greatest point in my career said the jubilant Muscatell. "I guess my first lay was better, but that was so long ago Muscatell has worked almost constantly on the finding of a computer with the ability to sing or even "hum-a-tune "In early 71 I had thought I had found my baby explained Muscatell. "But it seems that Mr. Nixxon had already heard the Zenith Allegro After following up many un- successful leads the professor finally came across what he thought was a suitable machine. "What I had found was a computer-type machine that couldn't actually sing but could hum like a Rollie Finger's knuckle ball. "The only trouble was that the Vacu-Jac company refused to give Mr. Nixxon a demonstration Muscatell added. Muscatell said it was hard work and a lot of free meals that finally put him on the right track. Actually the one million dollar grant was quickly running out. Did you know that in all of Europe and Asia there was not one single machine that could hold a candle to Vacu-Jac? But I knew that I had to oome up with something that oould carry a realistic tune by the end of Mr. Phord's term in office Muscatell sighed. It was a fateful day in late November, 1976 that Muscatell found a machine that-would RAPES Continued from p. 1 � mg coffee that we figured the girls could probably fight off the rapists better than we could Besides, we can't run very fast after drinking so much coffee, and we figured we wouldn t catch them (rapists) anyway At another scene, two cops looked on as tow trucks towed away cars which were parked in backwards. This reporter asked why the cops seemed to think that towing cars and White dorm were more important than rescuing girls who were being raped. A oop who wished to remain anonymous said, "First things come first. Cars aren't supposed to be parked in backwards. When we drive around checking dorm decals, it's too much trouble to get out of the car and walk up to check the rear window of the vehicle. We didn't check on the girls because we finally figured other cops would Parents of all the rape victims have filed charges against the campus police force fa incom- petence and neglect. A hearing will be set for a date to be announced later. LEE OLD Continued from p. 7 0 Lee Old will run ahead of the cars and the object of the game will be to see who can come the closest to him without running over him. It ought to be loads of fun When questioned as to what he believed tax payers thought of spending their money on cars that had a life expectancy of about two days, he said, "Well shoot, they can t expect the world, can they? Mauler said that even though the driving ability of the campus police was not too good percent- age wise, they sure are good at busting students. Besides it's so much fun being a cop. EAT AT THE RUN DOWN INNE POPULAR PRICES�l- (WE LIKE'EM) WEEKLY SPECIALS OURGUARANTEE IF YOU ARE IN ANYWAY DISSATISFIED WITH OUR FOOD, WE'LL THROW YOU OUT! THIS WEEK'S SPECIAL! T-BONE1.00 with meat-4.00 satisfy his expense account as well as Mr. Phord's intelligence. "I was crashing a Frat rush when, in a drunken stupor, I watched a young man make a strange form of signal over a large oomputer-type machine and make music "What I heard was the sound of another cash stipend. No, really I heard Play That Gunky Music, White Boy' in stereo "It was then that I had oome to the conclusion that all along I had been listening with a third ear and that to make the most of what was left of my expense account I was going to have to bring Mr. Phord some results Muscatell beamed. The rest is history, Muscatell brought the music box which he paid somewhere in the neighbor- hood of $75 thousand for, to Suzi Phord's prom $l Infirmary report s Three students who became seriously ill last night due to various reasons received in- competent treatment at the ECU infirmary. One student was seriously ill with food poisoning from eating at Jones Cafeteria. When he became violently ill, two of his friends took him to the infirmary for medical aid. After being violently sick in the infirmary restroom, passing out at the desk, and going into shock, the infirmary nurse on duty gave him two pecks of Cepaool and a pack of Tylenol. She advised his friends to put him in bed as soon as possible. Another student, who caught the flu sometime during the week, was also helped at the infirmary by some friends. Shaking with chills and hot with fever, his temperature and blood pressure were taken. The nurse gave him four packs of Cepaool and one pack of Tylenol, and told him to drink plenty of fluids, and remain in bed for three days. An asthmatic student, having had asthma since childhood, underwent a severe attack and was barely able to breathe. She went to the infirmary for help. Although barely able to speak, the attending nurse re- oognized her problem. She told her to take several deep breaths, then gave her one pack of Cepaool and one pack of Tylenol. The infirmary has been charged by the parents of the three students with incompetent treatment. Maybe we'll cure the SGA budget without your help, but don't bet your life on it. The way it stands today, one student out of four will be affected by the SGA. That means it will strike some member in two out of three ECU dorms. To change those statistics we have to bring the promise of early pditica. truth to everyday reality. And to expand our detection program and techniques. And that takes money. Lot of money. Money we don't have, especially this year. The American SGA Society will never give up the fight. Maybe we'll find the answers even without your help. But don't bet your life on it. We want to cure SGA money problems in your lifetime. American SGA Society �P�g ��'H SSSS3 aammm wawaawwamm mmmamamam mm Page 6 BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977 YOUR STUDENT GOVEft V � & $� rwwwrwrrrwwwwrwrwwwwwwwwrrwrm-mt 4 fc fe 0 tf 0 tf SG4 lobbies for overpass, Veep: 'One to go please, and hold the applause, I'm a humbletarian HORN PLAYERS HAVE TERRIFIE LIPS & 8 � - t & & j 3 & DIAL-A-DATE Call early and take advantage a. 0? of this week's special. c? Be no cause o oe to any one fc with a pure spirit Should oppositio. . kind as ever we can be, and througl Re the l exist in the budget, rejoice, for th(. 70s are GoshBe silent concerning the dor. f them, and help them, through kindni lorrect r has tei .And if ( at the good and not at the badIf a bad one, look at the ten and forget tt bad qualities and one good one, loot . . . � . one an allow ourselves to speak one unkind v our enemy. , thepres Do all our deeds in kindr s . Z �, tUt our h from the worldBe humbleBe ser are less than any one elseBe as or, love our job, the nearer we shall limitations, your obedience must not cautiousness and wisdom Be truth cause of healing for every sick one, pleasant water for every thirsty one, star to every horizon, a light for ever) for the special committee. f the stu n many Gosh; i oonfessic ) hospita orter fot nly table a heralc Tiimiifnin & III w COMMUNITY REU Lightheartei IS tings bt 1 April 1977 BUGLLHEAD Page 7 ElMMENT ASSOCIATION s " nrnini; RD TTTrTFrT�r.wiMrrrrrri & & 3?y one fQ Qjj students and tove tnem oppositia.y happen t0 us bear it; De as I rou9'we the peopleShould calamity ?' ligs are the gifts and favors of 1 e � y meetings of others; pray for gh kmdrn yxrect tnejr fautts Look aways a r has ten good qualities and one .And if an SGA member has ten one and forget the ten Never the press, even though others be ut our hearts from ourselves and f the students, and know that we n many bodies; for the more we Gosh; but know your job, its confession, but realityAct with hospitableBe reverentBe a forter fa every sorrowful one, a nly table for every hungry one, a a herald to everyone who yearns forget tt one, loot unkind v s in kindr Beser Be as or ve shall must not Be truth ick one, sty one, for ever & & OT eui SERGE A NT-A T-ARMS enforces open meetings r ii�fri�Triitiittifiifiirmri & 4 ti sarte � tings between students and police are always a gas. And the perennial SGA watchdogs-Love from the BUGLEHEAD staff � fc & s? Tremor V ft Page 8 BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977 Acting at its finest & ABC scores with "Harley's Angels" show & So much of the programming on modern American television is worthless, boring; an utter waste of time. Night after night we are forced to watch such trash as National Geographic specials, news shows, medical docu- mentaries. ABC (Always Broadcasting Cuties) has finally gotten its act together, bringing us the most fabulous show in history, "Harley's Angels 'Harley's Angels" is the story of three girls who are private detectives for a major motorcycle company. The angels spend their time in- vestigating embezzlement, sabotage, and coffee break hanky panky at the oompany. One of the series' finest episodes involved a burglary ring who were stealing lug nuts from the assembly line. Cleverly en- titled "The Lug Nut Caper this show showed the angels at their best. It was exciting throughout, leading to the climactic point where one of the angels confront- ed the thieves, saying "Okay you thugs, show me those nuts What drama! The angels themselves are incredibly talented actresses, with incomparable creative ex- perience. Jackie Lynn Withit started in the business as Miss Bouncy Buns" of 1974 for the Idaho Bakers Association. From there she went to Minneapolis where she moonlighted as a cocktail waitress while attending cos- metologists' school. She was discovered by the producers of "Harley's Angels" at an all-night car wash in Encino. Success fa Kay Lacksome came much easier. Her first starring role came in 1957, when she played a pumpkin in the Thanksgiving pageant at Para- mus (N.J.) Elementary School (many critics consider this her finest performance to date). She went to Hollywood in 1970 and was soon starnna in anothpr ARr. series in which understanding. she played an but sexually frustrated wife of a young police- man. The third angel, and the true star of the show is the luscious Sarah Spigot-Majors. Stardom is a low-slung sports car in a James Bond film. Her ability as an actress truly came out in the early '70s, when s. 'ecame the Wei la Balsam shampoo girl. (Her hair was nominated for best special effects in a shampoo commercial in 1975.) The final character in "Harley's Angels" has never been seen on camera, and is one of the great mysteries of the season. At cocktail parties every- where, people ask "Who is the voice of Harley?" Well we've discovered it's none other than Fred, a Suzuki who found jme and fortune as the bike which da Fonzsitson when he "sitson it All told. Harley's Angels" is a fine show, with great dialogue and even better social meanings. But the true prize-winning person behind "Harley's Angels" is the person who designs the jeans that cover Jackie Lynn Withit's bouncy buns entertainment. Now THAT'S A hUMt altei a jjy s snooting, bar ah Spigot-Maors gets laid bach with net guild' $ �?- Falexander announces Student Union's closing Playwright's Corner 3& �$ Here Comes the Sun During a press conference that sent shock waves at least 15 inches. Dean Rude Falexander announced Thursday that the ECU Student Union will be defunct as of the end of Spring Quarter. 1977. Aocording to Falexander. the decision came as the result of growing student apathy concern- ing Union programming. "We bring in top-flight enter- tainment fa the jerks, enter- tainment such as the Pedro Sanchez Mariachi and Marimba Band, and they don't even have the decency to pay nine bucks fa a lousy ticket said Falexander. The failure of the Sanchez Band, which was the featured attraction of Homecoming, is only one of a string of ooncert failures. The Union Committees brought such sureshot perfamers as Kate Smith, Lawrence Welk, and the second year recital class from Miss Maple's School of Ballet. Falkland. N.C all of them flopping. Lectures were also an overall flop this year, with students showing no interest in the speeches of Thomas Eaglet on, Brenda Larue (who once served a Big Mac to Charles Manson), and Emmanuel Potty, the inventa of the toilet seat. Oddly enough, the only area that did well was the Travel- Adventure Film Series. They packed the houses for four consecutive evenings with their "Armchair Tour of Farrah Faw- cett's Navel" film. HERE COMES THE SUN: Monarch Blues A shat but very symbolic play by i.m. cumming ACT I, ONLY I (The scene takes place in a nasty room of an apartment, presumably a less expensive apartment complex. Hustler and Club magazines are thrown about the room, with a few showing revealing bodies - not beautiful bodies, but bodies. Dust balls are rolling on the floa like tumbleweeds. The fan is obviously turned on and the floa has obviously not been swept. Two young men are positioned on a sofa (to be interpreted as the directa sees fit). One of the men is picking his nose. There are no kleenexes in the apartment. A large spotlight beams into the red eyes of the larger character he speaks as he picks.) Raymond: Hey man. Let's smoke some mean reefer, man. Jimmy: I didn t know reefer is mean, Ray. Raymond: I didn t mean that. Come onbe cool! Timmy.Nah man. I've got a big exam this afternoon at 2 XX). The only thing I need to smoke is this book and my notes. I've ga eight mae chapters to read! (A marijuana cigarette has been rolled and Raymond, the sinner that he is, is puffing the joint' .) Raymond Come on MAN! Don't be a sissytake a hit. Timmy: Screw you, buddy. I wish I was drawing unemployment and oould watch T.V. all day. A student is full time. You ain't even part timeyou ain't shit! Raymond: Hey, come on brotherbe cooldon't get upset. Here take a hit. Timmy: I guess it would calm me down. ' Preciate it man. Raymond: Sure. What's a brother fa? There's a party kickin' up next doa. Plenty of suds, dope and women. By the way, have you met Betsy? She'll be over there. Timmy: Nah man. Nice lookin'? Raymond: You betwith plenty to boot. Timmy: Let's go. What the hell are we waiting fa: Roll another fa the road. Raymond: All right. COOL BROBy the way I'm about out of pot. Can I have one of your brews? Timmy: Sure manlet's boogie. Raymond: Right on (Curtain fallsSo does Timmy later on.) W Campus events y What to & � � on April 2 NA vtL IILM was one ot the Unions only successes in 1976-77. 8.00a.m. - Annual breakfast ban- quet for the Alpha Krappa Epsomsalts honaary bricklaying fraternity. 11.00 � Members of the ECU Pirates football team will meet lo practice at lajking vicious. 1:00 Red Light Women of America will hold then annual convention at the Besl aiue Motel J.O0 - I he Beatles reunite at acoustically perfect Wght Auditaium fa a charity concur t suppating trie American Wan Association 4:(ju - ric entire campus win participate in an afternoon nap. Ine tUJ Drama Uepari mem win present Vanilla Gorilla an aiginai rock opera aoout the illustrious David H. dosmcK. Humor has it tiidi bosnicK win appear at inter - mission ana msuit trie audience 11 .uu - Chanoelia Leo Jenkins wni nave a Big Ma AitacK wi carrying .i loot ban. a ' j1 2fJi iai i i ,i u William i r i.i 1Mb iui , ui tin luotuaii in u �MMHMnMHMIHMHBm ������������B PuntaPinto's story told j�y, ? &- OP 1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 9 'Routes'follows progress of trucking family MGM (More Gross Movies, Inc.) announced yesterday that it will scon start production on a 72-part dramatic series, to be run on 72 consecutive evenings next Fall. The mini-series called ROUTES will trace the history of three generations of American truck drivers. The extravaganza starts in the early part of the century when Punta Pinto climbs into the driver's seat of one of the first Ford trucks. Punta Pinto, played by George C. Scott, is truly one of Americas great heroes. He is given credit with providing an essential need to the produce growers of Southern California; he smuggled illegal Mexican immigrants across the border. As the program starts, Punta Pinto is a teenager, industrious and eager to prove to the world that he can follow in his an- cestor's footsteps (the Pinto family had always been promi- nent horse thieves). His whole life changes when he meets Maybe Sanchez, (played by Linda Ronstadt), a beautiful Chicano he transports across the border. Punta soon realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with the gorgeous Maybe, so he marries her and allows her to help juNu btAN HiNIu stands proudly by his latest haul, in mat gidssoots epic, ROUTES. with the business. Life is good for the Pintos. Their business thrives. They even end up buying another truck. To make their happiness complete, they discover that they will soon have a child. The child is born, and they name him Penworthy, Pen for short. Time passes quickly (as it sometimes does on prime-time soap operas) and soon it is the Depression. Business plummets when the Mexicans decide they are really better off South of the Border. Punta worries incessantly about the plight of his little family (not to mention about the midriff bulge that plagues Maybe). He takes to drinking, ibandons the family, and Pen, (played by Dustin Hoffman), a very short 16-year old lad, is left with one broken truck, a bulgy mother, and the responsibility of onoe again bringing glory to the family name. One night as he stands on a street oorner in Encino, a black car pulls up, and an obviously devious figure in a pinstripe suit beckons him to get in. Out of curiosity, Pen climbs in. The shady character offers him the opportunity to make a little money hauling oontraband pigs from San Jose to Fresno. Pen hestitates at first, think- ing that it is a dishonest, and wast yet smelly deal, but family honor oomes first, so he agrees. His pig-handling ability is so great that he soon becomes a powerful figure in the Sausagio family of gangsters. People fear and respect him. The whole San ECU will close in the Fall East Carolina University (ECU) may have to close down for Fall semester, 1977, due to poor programming by Major Attract- ions Committee of the Student Union. Major Attractions is responsi- ble for presenting concerts on a major scale to the student body. I personally see no possible way that ECU can open and continue to operate next fall said Ken Handsome, ECU Stud- ent Union program director. Major Attractions has spent its entire budget allocation fa this year. In other wads, baby, they've blown their proverbial wad. Because we felt that the next show would go over, we took all the money from Student Funds, then fran all the other Union canmittees funds. It was l ike a gambling habit. Ghanang another concert, we took mae maiey fran the ECU 76- 77 school budget. And then, would you believe it, the oommit- tee took money from my pocket. Handsome added that he is now broke and is currently proofreading the Reflector fa a .i new job. Maja Attractions has spcn- saed a great deal of entertain- ment on the campus this year. But, due to no publicity or advertising, tew tickets were old I thought we would try the band-wagon technique, said Bob Sebarhea, famer canmittee chairman. "I figured it would pass on by wad of mouth. But these people can t communicate anymae-all they want to do is stay home and stay stoned. What else can I say? You have to learn by trial and erra. It snotmy damn fault. Sebarhea concluded by say- ing that the committee did err, much to his dismay. Maja Attractions tried des- perately to book first-rate enter- tainment on the campus. Accord- ing to ex-committee member, Danny Wrong, he doesn't under- stand why the committee failed. We book what the six members want, said Wrong. Each concert one of the mem- bers took a turn as to what he a she preferred. I wanted Don Ho, and consequently, we booked him. Hell, hehasaT.V. showdon't ask me why nobody came. That's all I ve got saygo away Maja Attractions also booked Les Brown and his Band of Heknown (without Les), Perry Cano, Johnny Ray, The Coasters, Spanky and our gang, Iggy Pop, toot ball starcountry singer Terry Bradshaw and Kate Smith. We even tried to get a comedian, said Wrong. "We didn t know Lenny Bruce was dead Johnny Ray and Iggy Pop were the biggest shows of the year, according to Mrs. Ticket Price, of the Central Ticket Office. Those two shows drew a strong aowd, ' said Price. "The aowds really loved Ray's aying act and Iggy s masochistic inclin- ations. I came out of Wright Audi- taium with a sense of satisfaction after those oonoerts. Iggy gave me the chill bumps mae than once But according to Handsome, the shows were finanaal failures. "There were only about 269 people for Ray's show, and maybe 300 for Iggy said Handsome. "That's the strang- est two oonoerts I have ever waked with. Those people must have climbed out of the walls even Mrs. Price showed up So ECU faces a financial dilemma in the coming year due to a maja Student Uniai com- mittee. Maja Attractions de- tends their actions and believes what they,did was in the best interests of the students. We want to give it another try, said Handsome. It Chancel la Jenkins will lend us the maiey, we could book Charlie Rich again. This time on the mall. And as the saying goes, "old soldiers never die neither do n,ni-oae gamblers. Fernando Valley knows that you just don't aoss "Pig Pen, as he has oome to be known. Pig Pen is happy with his life of swine and aime, but some- thing is missing in his life. As hard as he tries, the only females who can tolerate the dominant oda of his success are a bunch of sows. One day, however, while making a hog run, Pig Pen sees a small boy standing on a street caner aying. He stops his trick and asks the child what the matter is. The boy bows his head and explains that he was abandoned the night befae by his parents, who went to Hollywood to break into films. Pig Pen asks his name and he says Mebane, but explains that everyone calls him Bean, fa short. Pig Pen offers to adopt Bean, and the child gladly accepts. He takes a handkerchief out to cover his nose, then rides off with Pig Pen and the hogs. Again, time passes very quickly. Bean Pinto is suddenly a young man (played by Henry Da Fonz" Winkler). He happily helps Pig Pen in the business, and dates women with head oolds. Pig Pen and Bean oome home one day and find a large limousine waiting atthedoa. Out steps a beautiful, but wrinkled woman and a man who looks familiar to both of them. You guessed it, it's Bean's long lost father. It is also Pig Pen's long lost father. There is great upsetment among all of them and Pig Pen ultimately kicks Bean out, saying, "I'm na my brother's keeper Pig Pen turns to a life of drinking and wallowing, and Bean bitterly sets out to start his own trucking business. Destiny once again sends a Pinto to Mexioo, but this time the commodity he deals in is gold of the Acapulco type. As years pass, Bean Pinto becomes the most famous Pinto of all. His product is known fa its low content of seeds and stalks. He is on the high of a lifetime. He even diversifies, making runs to the Eastern part of the nation. It is on one of those trips that he meets Sally Sunshine (played by Anita Bryant). He sees Sally sitting in a tacky juice bar in Flaida, and he realizes that he finally has sonething to live fa. He whisks her away, and even lets her help in the business, teliing tier she's rolling rare and preaous medianal herbs in those little white papers. The final episode of ROUTES shows Bean, now a dying old man, riding on the passenger's side of a deluxe pickup truck. In the closing speech, he proudly speaks of his heritage; of his grandfather (who is also his father) transpating Chicanos, of his father (who is also his brother) transpating pigs, and of his own life, which has been devoted to improving the spirits of American youth. Suddenly the vision of his ancestas appear (supplemented by the New Christy Minstrels and the Marnan Tabernacle Choir). The show ends with all of the Pinto's singing "I Did it My Way A true American stay. 11 I i � � ry T Page 10 0 Spurte t BUGLEHEAD tf 1 April 1977 0 � Noman out - something fishy going on Ted "Tadpole" Noman. Pir- ate swimming sensation, has been disqualified from participat- ing in any future swimming events. After a medical check-up, it has been discovered that Noman is half human, half fish. Dr. Metals, ECU infirmary physician, saidihat he discovered the phenomenon while giving Noman his yearly physical. "From the beginning of the examination. I felt that something was strange said Metals. Ted's hands were cold and cla- mmv. and he had a strange odor about him. I thought he was just nervous. "I then noticed his skin was scaly and felt rather slimey, you know, like when you take a trout off the hook. "Then the amazing part be- gan said Metals. "I asked Noman to remove his shirt, and noticed a row of sharp lumps on his back. These turned out to be fins After further testing, Metals noticed that there were gills on both sides of Noman's neck. That was the real shocker. I guess he has been able to cover them up by wearing turtlenecks and scarfs Overall. Metals said that Ted was in good shape for someone in his condition. "Ted passed the physical said Metals, "but I'm afraid I didn't check his gills properly. I've never given a check-up to a fish before. I do think he is a member of a salt water species, though Noman. after some re- luctance, finally broke down and decided to discuss the situation. "I've been this way ever since childhood said Noman. "I started noticing the change' (as he refers to it) when I was about seven. My family and friends were curious as to why I stayed in the bathtub for long periods of time It was then that the Noman's moved to Florida, fearing what would happen to little Teddy if he didn't get his daily swim. "My parents have been very understanding throughout the whole thing said Ted. "They never once threatened to put me in a circus Now that Noman will no longer be able to compete,says he can be of use to those interested in the water. Maybe I can give swimming lessons, or coach a team some- where. But I will not, as someone suggested, rent myself out to fishermen to find the big schools. Even though I've never been tempted by a hook and worm, I won't sell out to my half brothers and sisters that way Leaving the team, Noman holds no grudges. "I've had a good time he said, "and I feel I ve done well. I just hope people don t think my "handicap if you WHILE NOMAN ADMITTED that he is only half fish, this picture found in the back pages of the Noman's family album, is believed to be of Ted's cousins. want to call it that, has given me an advantage. It came through hard work and training. "I'll miss the guys they always wondered why I practiced so much. They didn't know I had to in order to survive A lawyer has spoken to Noman about charging the school with discrimination, but he has decided not to pursue it. Even if ECU is an equal opportunity employer, I doubt they II ever accept me It is currently against univer- sity regulations to be anything other than homo-sapiens and participate in athletic events. C t Rudolph goes through them changes; headed for Sweden Talkin' Trash with Baits Keyes Harold Rudolph, who was recently dismissed from ECU'S football team, yesterday clarified the reason for his leaving. "I didn't like the idea of coach Dye announcing my dismissal was for disciplinary reasons said Rudolph. "That's not true, I don't want people to think I'm hard to get along with. "Therefore, I feel I must tell my teammates and the public the truth. At the close of the school year, I am leaving ECU and traveling to Sweden to have a sex change operation HAROLD RUDOLPH Rudolph said he has been considering the operation for quite a few years. "This feeling has been inside me for quite some time now. Just dressing up in women's clothing doesn't satisfy me anymore. "Besides, people always laugh and snicker at me when I' m in the lingerie department. A guy can only take so much Rudolph hopes that now his friends won't make fun of him. I'm still the same person on the inside he said. "Only the pac- kaging will be a little different When asked how he acquired enough money to have the operation, Rudolph said he traded in the cars which came along with his football scholarship, fixed a majority of the games he has played in, and sold pencils on streetoorners. It's been rough he said, "but it's something I had to do Rudolph thinks his whole outlook on life will change once the operation is performed. "I won't have to play that silly macho role anymore. I'll be free to do the things I've always dreamed about. I can't wait to walk out on the beach in a string bikini. After the operation, Rudolph hopes to find a job and eventually get married. I guess I'm just like any other girl Editor's Note: The totlowing is an exclusive interview with ECU A thletic Director Candy Cane. The interview was conducted on several occasions, depending on the accessability and condition of BUGLEHEAD reporter, Balls Keyes.) BUGLEHEAD: To start out on a light noteMr. Cand, how wou Cane: COACH CANE to you, young man. All you reporters are the same. Whippin' out fast questions and no respect for us coaches. BUGLEHEAD: Excuse me, uh Coach. Sorry about that. Cane: That's more like it Balls. BUGLEHEAD: Coach Cane, how would you describe the relationship between you as representative of the coaching staff - and the jcc.uh, athletes on this campus. Cane: Balls I like to think we have a very good relationship between the coaches and the boys. In the past I have personally invited all the boys over to my house for weenies and burgers. A few of the boys even spent the night. BUGLEHEAD: Why did they spend the night, Coach? Cane: Well as you know boys tend to meddle. A couple of the football boys found my bottle of Echo Springs under the sofa. A coach can't punish his boys for everythingHell, we wouldn t have any teams. BUGLEHEAD: Coach, are there any acknowledged homosexuals in the ECU sports program? Cane: You mean - fags? BUGLEHEAD: In layman's terms, yes! Cane: Balls. to my knowledge I know of none on my teams Wait I do re. You know a few of the boys did sleep together that night at the house. I didn t realizeBalls, do you know if there are any on my teams? BUGLEHEAD: Coach, has ECU ever committed any recruitment violations? Cane: Nothm' that deserves to be mentioned to the public. Ask another question Balls you know that's a touchy subject tor me. BUGLEHEAD: But Coach. Don't you want an open sports administra- tion? It's the American way. There has to be an open communication between the press and the administration, and consequently, the people. That s what it sail about. Coach. Listen man, who do you think See BALLS, pg. 11 T� W$l �fc One-arm bandit returns & � ECU quarterback Pete Cone- head, who had his passing arm amputated from the elbow down after a freak aocident, has been practicing with the team this week. "I'm not a quitter said Conehead. "And I'm too stub- born to change my throwing style and use my left arm. I'm determined to pass just as before Conehead suffered the injury as the result of a practical joke. He placed his arm in a whirlpool bath, not knowing someone had put a shark in it. "It was a sick thing to do said Pete. "I only wish I knew who did it Concerning his football ca- reer, Conehead feels there is no reason why his injury should disable him. "I'm physically fit, I know all the plays, and am experienced. The only thing which may change is I'll be throwing shorter passes. You don't need the bomb all the time Conehead says now his only problem is learning how to pick up the ball. PETE CONEHEAD Gang plays with wrestlers muscles Two ECU grapplers, whose names are currently being with- held, were molested last night when leaving wrestling practice. The attack occurred around 8:00 outside Minges Coliseum. One wrestler relayed this account of the incident: We were walking back to the dam when a gang of guys with crazed looks in their eyes ap- proached us. They asked us if we were wrestlers. When we said yes. they said they wanted to look at our muscles. Right then I suspected something was up. "The group then circled a- round us, leaving us no way to escape. We yelled fa help but nobody came. At this point, the gang brought out whips. I thought we were goners fa sure. They began cracking their whips, tell- ing us to get down on our knees, which we did. Once we were kneeling, the gang told us to take off our shirts, which we also did. They started rubbing our arms. After a few minutes they started moaning. I thought they were really going to beat us then 'But instead they started whipping each other. The harder they whipped, the more they seemed toenjoy it. They kept this up fa a few minutes, until they all fell in oie big heap oi the ground. They then got up, gathered their whips and left. We were baffled. The incident is now under further investigation. I Wish I Knew Now What I Knew Then I PheltaThi Annual Art & Photo Competition April 32-34 Pogue Galleries it Cases 3 Categories For Awards -Tacky Second - Tackier - Tackiest Judged by Mr. Tacky Himself, Johnny Dollar. BALLS Continued from pg. 10 1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 11 pays your salary? It s the students, man. At least they deserve to know! Cane: Okay enough Balls. I know you re right. I know that I should be open with you guys. But I m scared to death, man. They could hang me by the teeth with all we've done. BUGLEHEAD: Whawhat do you mean - THEY? Cane: They, Balls that's all I've got to say BUGLEHEAD: You can't stop now Coach! This is the stay of the year. It'sa spats Watergate in themakin' .Notellin' what exposure I could get from thisthink of the money I cou Cane: Money! Did you say money, Balls? BUGLEHEAD: Yeahmoney. The stuff that keeps us alive. The stuff that makes us very happy. The stuff that makes animals out of someThe stu Cane: Enough! How much is in it for me, Balls? I'll tell you everything for the right price. They'll find out sooner or later. Hell, I could be a tree and very rich man in Mexico by tomorrow night. I could get used to Mexican food. Get your pen and paper ready Balls. I want a 60 per cent cut, or no story. It's only fair. I committed those violations not you, balls. Ill be in the news - not you, Balls. BUGLEHEAD: Okay Coach. 50 per cent but can you get me a couple of season tickets? Cane: Fair enough. It all started like this one of the boys - no names because they're all under age. One of the boys asked for a half dollarhe wanted a chocolate malted. I couldn't refuseI think of them as my boys t The Brest Reviews of David Bosnick Did You Like? "A Star Is Corn" EZU Playhouse Productions "It Was Alive"??? Now you can got a voluminous cofloction of those past reviews to complete your home library. Haven't started a library yet? What better way to feel your way into the critical literary world of reviews. Write: Buglehead 206 S. Jarvis St. oo Brest Reviews -� t$ Page 10 o 6purt3 P t BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977 0 �r Noman out - something fishy going on i Ted Tadpole" Noman, Pir- ate swimming sensation, has been disqualified from participat- ing in any future swimming events. After a medical check-up, it has been discovered that Noman is half human, half fish. Dr. Metals, ECU infirmary physician, said that he discovered the phenomenon while giving Noman his yearly physical. "From the beginning of the examination. I felt that something was strange said Metals. "Ted's hands were cold and cla- mmv. and he had a strange odor about him. I thought he was just nervous. "I then noticed his skin was scaly and felt rather slimey, you know, like when you take a trout off the hook. "Then the amazing part be- gan said Metals. "I asked Noman to remove his shirt, and noticed a row of sharp lumps on his back. These turned out to be fins After further testing, Metals noticed that there were g'lls on both sides of Noman's neck. "That was the real shocker. I guess he has been able to cover them up by wearing turtlenecks and scarfs Overall. Metals said that Ted was in good shape fa someone in his condition. "Ted passed the physical said Metals, "but I'm afraid I didn't check his gills properly. I've never given a check-up to a fish before. I do think he is a member of a salt water species, though Noman, after some re- luctance, finally broke down and decided to discuss the situation. "I've been this way ever since childhood said Noman. " started noticing the change' (as he refers to it) when I was about seven. My family and friends were curious as to why I stayed in the bathtub for long periods of time It was then that the Noman's moved to Florida, fearing what would happen to little Teddy if he didn't get his daily swim. "My parents have been very understanding throughout the whole thing said Ted. "They never once threatened to put me in a circus Now that Noman will no iqer be able to compete,says he can be of use to those interested in the water. "Maybe I can give swimming lessons, or coach a team some- where. But I will not, as someone suggested, rent myself out to fishermen to find the big schools. Even though I've never been tempted by a hook and worm, I won't sell out to my half brothers and sisters that way Leaving the team, Noman holds no grudges. "I've had a good time he said, "and I feel I ve done well. I just hope people don't think my handicap , if you WHILE NOMAN ADMITTED that he is only half fish, this picture found in the back pages of the Noman's family album, is believed to be of Ted's cousins. want to call it that, has given me an advantage. It came through hard work and training. "I'll miss the guys they always wondered why I practiced so much. They didn't know I had to in order to survive A lawyer has spoken to Noman about charging the school with discrimination, but he has decided not to pursue it Even if ECU is an equal op ortunity employer, I doubt they II ever accept me It is currently against univer- sity regulations to be anything other than homo-sapiens and participate in athletic events. C Rudolph goes through them changes; headed for Sweden TalkirT Trash Harold Rudolph, who was recently dismissed from ECU'S football team, yesterday clarified the reason for his leaving. "I didn't like the idea of ooach Dye announcing my dismissal was for disciplinary reasons said Rudolph. "That's not true, I don't want people to think I'm hard to get along with. "Therefore, I feel I must tell my teammates and the public the truth. At the dose of the school year, I am 'eaving ECU and traveling to Sweden to have a sex change operation HAROLD RUDOLPH Rudolph said he has been considering the operation for quite a few years. "This feeling has been inside me for quite some time now. Just dressing up in women's clothing doesn't satisfy me anymore. 'Besides, people always laugh and snicker at me when I'm in the lingerie department. A guy can only take so much Rudolph hopes that now his friends won't make fun of him. "I'm still the same person on the ms�de he said. "Only the pac- kaging will be a little different When asked how he acquired enough money to have the operation, Rudolph said he traded in the cars which came along with his football scholarship, fixed a majority of the games he has played in, and sold pencils on streetoorners. It's been rough he said, "but it's something I had to do Rudolph thinks his whole outlook on life will change once the operation is performed. "I won't have to play that silly macho role anymore. I'll be free to do the things I've always dreamed about. I can't wait to walk out on the beach in a string bikini. After the operation, Rudolph hopes to find a job and eventually get married. I guess I'm just like any other girl Editc's Note: The following is an exclusive interview with ECU A thletic Director Candy Cane. The interview was conducted on several occasions, depending on the accessability and condition of BUGLEHEAD reporter, Balls Keyes. BUGLEHEAD: To start out on a light noteMr. Cand, how wou Cane: COACH CANE to you, young man. All you reporters are the same. Whippin' out fast questions and no respect for us coaches. BUGLEHEAD: Excuse me, uh Coach. Sorry about that. Cane: That's more like it Balls. BUGLEHEAD: Coach Cane, how would you describe the relationship between you as representative of the coaching staff - and the joc.uh, athletes on this campus. Cane: Balls like to think we have a very good relationship between the coaches and the boys. In the past I have personally invited all the boys over to my house for weenies and burgers. A few of the boys even spent the night. BUGLEHEAD: Why did they spend the night, Coach? Cane: Well as you know boys tend to meddle. A couple of the football boys found my bottle of Echo Springs under the sofa. A coach can't punish his boys for everythingHell, we wouldn t have any teams. BUGLEHEAD: Coach, are there any acknowledged homosexuals in the ECU sports program? Cane: You mean - fags? BUGLEHEAD: In layman's terms, yes! Cane: Balls. to my knowledge I know of none on my teams Wait I do re You know a few of the boys did sleep together that night at the house. I didn t realizeBalls, do you know if there are any on my teams? BUGLEHEAD: Coach, has ECU ever committed any reauitment violations? Cane: Nothin that deserves tobe mentioned to the public. Ask another question Ballsyou know that's a touchy subject for me. BUGLEHEAD: But Coach. Don t you want an open sports administra- tion? Its the American way. There has to be an open communication between the press and the administration, and consequently, the people. That s what it sail about, Coach. Listen man, who do you think See BALLS, pg. 11 fe One-arm bandit returns & 0 ECU quarterback Pete Cone- head, who had his passing arm amputated from the elbow down after a freak aocident, has been practicing with the team this week. "I'm not a quitter said Conehead. "And I'm too stub- born to change my throwing style and use my left arm. I'm determined to pass just as before Conehead suffered the injury as the result of a practical joke. He placed his arm in a whirlpool bath, not knowing someone had put a shark in it. "It was a sick thing to do said Pete. "I only wish I knew who did it Concerning his football ca- reer, Conehead feels there is no reason why his injury should disable him. "I'm physically fit, I know all the plays, and am experienced. The only thing which may change is I'll be throwing shorter passes. You don't need the bomb all the time Conehead says now his only problem is learning how to pick up the ball. PETE CONEHEAD Gang plays with wrestlers muscles Two ECU grapplers, whose names are currently being with- held, were molested last night when leaving wrestling practice. The attack occurred arouna 8:00 outside Minges Coliseum. One wrestler relayed this account of the incident: We were walking back to the dorm when a gang of guys with crazed looks in their eyes ap- proached us. They asked us if we were wrestlers. When we said yes, they said they wanted to look at our muscles. Right then I suspected something was up. "The group then circled a- round us, leaving us no way to escape. We yelled for help but nobody came. At this point, the gang brought out whips. I thought we were goners for sure. They began cracking their whips, tell- ing us to get down on our knees, which we did. Once we were kneeling, the gang told us to take off our shirts, which we also did. They started rubbing our arms. After a few minutes they started moaning. I thought they were really going to beat us then But instead they started whipping each other. The harder they whipped, the more they seemed to enjoy it. They kept this up for a few minutes, until they all fell in one big heap on the ground. They then got up, gathered their whips and left. We were baffled The incident is now under further investigation. I Wish I Knew Now What I Knew Then I PheltaThi Annual Art & Photo Competition April 32-34 Pogue Galleries & Cases 3 Categories For Awards Third - Tacky Second- First- Tackiest Judged by Mr. Tacky Himself, Johnny Dollar. BALLS Continued from pg. 10) 1 April 1977 BUGLEHEAD Page 11 pays your salary? It's the students, man. At least they deserve to know! Cane: Okay. enough Balls. I know you re right. I know that I should be open with you guys. But I'm scared to death, man. They could hang me by the teeth with all we've done. BUGLEHEAD: Whawhat do you mean - THEY? Cane: They, Balls that's all I've got to say BUGLEHEAD: You can't stop now Coach! This is the story of the year. It sasportsWatergateinthemakinNotellin' what exposure I could get trom thisthink of the money I oou Cane: Money! Did you say money, Balls? BUGLEHEAD: Yeahmoney. The stuff that keeps us alive. The stuff that makes us very happy. The stuff that makes animals out of someThe stu Cane: Enough! How much is in it for me, Balls? I'll tell you everything for the right price. They'll find out sooner or later. Hell, I could be a free and very rich man in Mexico by tomorrow night. I could get used to Mexican food. Get your pen and paper ready Balls, I want a 60 per cent cut, or no story. It's only fair. I committed those violations not you, balls. I II be in the news not you, Balls. BUGLEHEAD: Okay Coach. 50 percentbut can you get me a couple of season tickets? Cane. Fair enough. It all started like this one of the boys - no names because they re all under age. One of the boys asked for a half dollarhe wanted a chocolate malted. I couldn't refuse think of them as my boys i The Brest Reviews off David Bosnick Did You Like? "A Star Is Corn" EZU Playhouse Productions "It Was Alive"??? Now you can get a voluminous collection of these past reviews to complete your home library. Haven't started a library yet? What better way to feel your way into the critical literary world of reviews. Write: Buglehead 206S.JarvisSt. co Brest Reviews Page 12 BUGLEHEAD 1 April 1977 ECU SCRATCHES PIRATE Adopts new mascot!